Duality
by Shayz
Summary: Sequel to Control: Elizabeth and Angela are in love with the same man...or are they? Spoilers up to and including The Hive. WARNING: Adults only
1. Chapter 1

Category: Het/Drama/Adult

Title: Duality

**Sequel to _Control_**

Pairing: Weir/Sheppard & Sheppard/Angela

Spoilers: All episodes up to and including _The Hive_

Disclaimer: I don't own what I don't create, please don't sue.

Rating: Mature – not meant for kids _at all_.

Warnings: Language, sexual situations, angst, romance

Summary: Elizabeth and Angela are in love with the same man…or are they?

DUALITY

**Starring**: _Elizabeth Weir_, _John Sheppard, Angela Peterson (OC) _

**Co-starring:** _Ronon Dex, Carson Beckett, Rodney McKay, Teyla Emmagan_

**Special appearances**: _Major Lorne, Dr. Zelenka, Lt. Laura Cadman_

1

Elizabeth wraps a towel around herself, breathing in the steam left over from the shower. She wipes a hand across the fogged over mirror. Her wet hair has already started to curl even as it drips onto her bare shoulders. Her mascara didn't come off in the shower so much as smear giving her two black eyes that remind her of Angela.

Three weeks ago, Angela had been at death's door, having been shot, taken prisoner by Kolya, beaten and drugged. She'd been rescued, and in turn rescued her rescuers it seems, but the moment she returned to the city, her life nearly ended. Carson managed to save her, thank God. And now, per doctor's orders, the woman is under constant supervised bed rest.

Supervised, because Angela 'ex-Jax' Peterson has difficulty when it comes to staying still or following doctor's orders. Elizabeth's gleaned from Ronon's rumblings that Angie hasn't been the most cooperative patient. She's tried on a couple occasions to sneak out of her quarters to do who-knows-what, but with cracked ribs and a serious concussion, she hasn't gotten very far.

She reminds everyone of a routinely injured John Sheppard.

_John_.

Now there's an interesting tangent not needing to be considered right now. Elizabeth can feel tears rising and she closes her eyes to fight them off. She and Angie came to an understanding about John. They both love him. They both want him. It took a while for Elizabeth to accept the situation for what it is, but in the end, she chose to go along with Angela's idea.

They'd share him.

It wasn't an easy decision to make. And she's not sure how to feel about it or what it says about her and her priorities. Not that it really matters. It seems John doesn't want to be shared. He's made his choice.

He's staying with Angela.

Not that Elizabeth can blame him. She's an amazing woman and even with the bruises and the scar on her temple, she's strikingly gorgeous. She's young, vibrant, and full of energy. And she makes John happy.

While the two were dating, they'd been kind enough not to flaunt it in Elizabeth's face, but she could see the changes in John nonetheless. He looks ten years younger when Angie's around him. He loses the hardness that he's earned over time in the military. He smiles and laughs easily, not the wry, sarcastic ones everyone is used to, but real laughter, real smiles filled with joy. It's amazing to see.

And it breaks Elizabeth's heart.

_Why can't I give him that?_

He loves her, she knows that. She felt it in the kiss. And she probably could have forced his hand, gotten him to choose her over Angela if she'd been willing to put her job, her love for Atlantis on the line. But she wasn't…isn't willing to sacrifice that for him. She simply can't and she told him as much.

_Do I love this place…more than I love John?_

Elizabeth opens her eyes, stares at them in the mirror. She hadn't been willing to broach that question, let alone answer it. She gave up everything to come here. Earth, Simon…hell, even her dog! She couldn't give it all up for one man. Even if that man is John Sheppard. Could she?

Maybe it'd be different if he wasn't her second in command, if he wasn't always going on dangerous missions, possibly never to be seen alive again. If Caldwell wasn't always there itching to take over the military command. You'd think the guy would be happy he's got a starship that kicks ass, but no, he's has to have the power, the control of a city like this. _Yeesh!_

These were the reasons Elizabeth finally agreed to the co-op with Angela. If everyone knows that John and Angela are together then no one would suspect that Elizabeth and John are also a couple, leaving her position and authority in place. But the ultimate decision wasn't really hers or Angie's to make. It had to be John's.

And he's obviously chosen to tend to Angie's needs…kiss her bruises.

It's been nearly two weeks since the proposal was made and by any normal male standards, Elizabeth would have expected to see him in her room a few hours later. Any man given the green light to sleep with two women, even if not at the same time, would jump at the chance…or so you'd think.

But not John Sheppard.

Elizabeth has only seen him during work hours. She's caught him watching her but then he looks away, unwilling to meet her gaze. He hasn't come to her office to chat and they haven't spent any time alone on their balcony.

She saw it happen. The change in him. By the time John returned from the rescue mission to save Angela, his feelings for the other woman had clearly deepened. She told Angela as much when visiting her in the infirmary, but the young woman refused to believe it. Elizabeth agreed to the deal, though, she never really thought anything would come of it.

Of course, she's held some small hope. A tiny part of her heart that hadn't been clobbered by that time. Unfortunately, she's nursed that spark since giving John the option, only to have reality slap her in the face.

She's been a fool.

Elizabeth dabs on some makeup remover and gently wipes the blackness from under her eyes. She gave this heartache to herself. She can't blame anyone else. It's been clear from the beginning. The way John hovers over Angela, watches her with those gorgeous eyes of his. He gets the cutest smile when her name is mentioned or she enters a room. Hell, the fact that he's willing to risk life and limb simply by being with her is telling. Given that Ronon is more than ready to take out anyone who'd do his adopted sister harm.

Not that Angela needs a hero. From the reports Elizabeth received after the mission on PXT-705, she's wondering if Angela should be her own off-world team. Well, maybe one or two people as back-up…who knows, she may want someone to chat with. As far as Ronon, Teyla and even Rodney are concerned: Angela can kick serious ass. And as far as John goes, Angela's perfect…scarily perfect.

_Even Kolya liked her in his own crazy way!_

Elizabeth's gut clenches and she grimaces at the pain. Holding onto the sides of the sink, she tries to will the cramp away. She should have known this would happen. Not because of the thought of Kolya, even though the memory of that man is enough to make her dry heave. No, this is different. This is the same feeling she got when John took it upon himself to destroy one of the hive ships over Atlantis.

He came back to her that time. She'd been so happy she hugged him for all the universe to see. And yet nothing had come afterward. She'd held back. He wanted to talk about it…he'd wanted more even then. But Elizabeth Weir could not let down her guard. She could not take the risk.

Her muscles twist and tighten, threatening to double her over. The pain in her gut is making its way into her chest, just as before. Her heart drums painfully behind her breast.

She's lost him.

For good this time.

Elizabeth drops her head, and screws her eyes shut, letting the tears fall silently, as all the other times.

"Elizabeth?"

Startled by the husky voice, she spins quickly, nearly losing her towel in the motion. Her hands instantly make a grab for it, but one side falls away and swings around to the front of her body. She loses her balance and her bare butt hits the cold sink basin. "John!"

She grasps most of the towel and succeeds in covering her front, but her sides and back are as naked as they can get. His wide eyes capture her bare flesh and she can practically feel the heat emanating from that stare. Her skin tingles with warmth.

John licks his lips then slowly lifts his gaze to meet hers. "Sorry." He turns and goes into her room. Elizabeth quickly wraps the towel around herself before following. She's afraid he's already left, but she finds him standing with his back to her, his arm stretched out behind him, her robe in his hand.

Elizabeth takes her robe and slips into it. "Thanks."

"Is it safe to turn around?" he asks.

She pulls the belt, cinching the robe tight around her. "Yes."

He turns then and she notices that he's wearing civvies: dark blue jeans and a white T-shirt. She's only seen him like this a couple of times. It always steals her breath. He's beautifully built and the T-shirt clings to his broad shoulders and tight muscular chest. The jeans are a treat too, not to tight, but as if they're made to show off every sculpted part of him. He's barefoot. She's never seen him barefoot before. _He's got nice feet._ Shaking off the thought, Elizabeth tries to look him in the eyes, but he's avoiding her. "John?"

He rubs a hand over his neck, glancing at her from under his brows before looking away again. "Sorry…just…didn't expect to--"

Elizabeth sits on the edge of her bed, rubbing the ends of her hair with the towel. "You came into my bathroom." She checks the clock on the bedside table. "At two in the morning."

John looks at the clock as well. "Oh…sorry, I didn't realize it was so..." He looks at her with worry. "Why are you still up?"

"Why are you?"

Another neck rub. He looks around her room. "Seems I'm always awake anymore." His brows wrinkle. "I keep finding myself wandering the halls," he says as if to himself.

He must be restless what with Angela not permitted any 'special company' for another several weeks, per Carson's orders. "Why are you here, John?"

His voice is soft, barely audible. And he won't meet her eyes. "You died and…" he looks down at the floor. "Atlantis was destroyed."

Elizabeth takes a deep breath before getting up and standing only an arm's length away from him. She understands the nightmares all too well. She's had them so often, sometimes she can't tell what's real and what's been made up in her mind. She wants to wrap her arms around him and let him know everything is all right. But she can't bring herself to close the distance. It hurts too much, being even this near him. "John," she starts softly.

He cuts her off with a shrug. "I couldn't do anything…" He looks up, his eyes dark and haunted. "I couldn't save you."

"It was just a bad dream."

He shakes his head. "Something's happened…something…" Turning he looks around a bit. "These aren't your same quarters."

Elizabeth feels her brows shoot up. "I upgraded when we got the ZPM. Like everyone else."

"But I still found you…" Again he seems to be talking to himself. His eyes look odd, dreamy almost.

Elizabeth studies him for a moment. Here she was thinking about him, sure he's decided not to pursue anything with her, and yet he's standing in her bedroom at two in the morning. That little spark of hope has her heart beating so hard and fast she's afraid he can hear it. Still, something's off with him. Maybe something happened between him and Angie. "Are you feeling all right?"

He lifts his gaze to meet hers. She can see the faintest shimmer of tears hovering before he drops his eyes again.

Her heart nearly stops cold. _He's come to tell me in person that he's not interested in the plan. He's just uncomfortable._

Shaking his head, he rubs his neck again before taking a deep breath. "I wanted…needed to see you…talk--" he looks at her fully again, the hint of tears gone now, his eyes wide, dilated—just like that time on the stairs. "Have you been crying?"

Elizabeth swipes at her cheeks, wiping away the evidence. "No. Of course not."

"Yes you have," he whispers. He reaches out and cups her jaw, his thumb a feather brushing over her cheek. His skin's soft and warm and she involuntarily leans into his touch. "Because of me," he murmurs.

Elizabeth covers his hand with hers, closing her eyes and taking in the feel of his skin against hers. A moment is all she needs to make the decision. She can't let him go, not now. Opening her eyes, Elizabeth steps over, closing the distance between them. He doesn't pull away or even look away. She stares into those beautiful multi-colored eyes and feels herself falling away, falling into him.

Her hand travels from atop his and up his arm, over the soft dark hair, resting on the toned bicep. He tenses and her eyes shift back to his, seeing desire flicker in his gaze. Desire for her. And love. He's told her as much…but to see it in his eyes is the most amazing gift. Without further hesitation, she slides her other hand around his neck and pulls him toward her as she moves in, capturing his mouth in an eager kiss.

For a few moments, he's there with her, his lips gently moving with hers, a deep groan of need rumbling in his chest. Her arms slide around his neck and his wrap around her back, lifting her up to meet him, pulling her against his hard body. She brushes the tip of her tongue against his bottom lip, asking for entry.

And suddenly he's gone, pulling away from her, his hands dropping to her hips, separating them slightly. But she doesn't release her hold or step away. His gaze latches onto hers for a long moment. She can feel his breath on her lips and it spikes her desire to kiss him again. "Elizabeth, I have to tell you--"

She places a finger over his mouth to stop him. "John…let me have this one night…this one time to show you how much I love you." His eyes widen a fraction and he's about to say something, but she stops him again. "I'll respect your choice," she says softly. "And I'll never ask anything of you again."

"But--"

Elizabeth can feel the tears starting to rise again and the lump clogging her throat. She leans in as she presses her mouth to his ear. "Please don't make me beg," she whispers, barely containing a sob.

John turns to her then and his lips are on hers, tender but hungry. His arms engulf her, pulling her against his perfect, sculpted body. She can feel him responding to her, arousing her even more. Elizabeth whimpers when he deepens the kiss, bringing out the long reserved passion she's been trying so hard to ignore. She's wanted this man for so long, she can't remember a time when she didn't want his mouth on hers, his hands searching her body, teasing her flesh, the thrill of knowing him inside her.

Her robe drops to the floor and the only way she knows is because she can feel the heat of his hands on her bare back, his fingers climbing into her hair. He gently pulls her head back and attacks her throat, nibbling, sucking, licking his way down to her collarbone and beyond.

"You're so beautiful," he sighs as he plants kisses on the swell of her breasts. When he finally takes her into his mouth, her legs fail her. But John keeps her from dropping. And then she's swaying, steadily falling onto the bed as John guides her down with one strong arm supporting her around the waist. Even as he's laying her down, he continues the pleasurable torment on her breast, first one then the other, hardening the peaks with desire.

For him.

His arm slips from behind her back and in a flash his clothes are gone. He's driving her mad, kissing her all over as his hands explore her flesh. "I've wanted you for so long," he moans breathlessly. "Watched you." John looks down at her, his eyes wild with passion, his voice nothing more than a whisper. "God, I've loved you forever, Elizabeth. Forever."

She attacks his mouth again, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him on top of her. Sliding one hand down between them, she finds her prize ready, hot and hard. His breath catches then a thunderous groan escapes. She breaks the kiss as she tenderly rubs him. "Love me, John."

He grasps her hand and guides it out from between them. His lips devour hers for a long, breath-taking kiss. Then he leaves a heated trail over her jaw, down her neck where he nibbles at the pulsing vein before lapping at it with his tongue. Elizabeth groans, wanting him so badly it burns. She needs to feel him, surround him and take him in. But he's tormenting her with his mouth and tongue and his…_ohhh_…his hands are in places she's only dreamed of him touching.

She arches upward as he again attacks first one breast then the other. His teeth graze her tender skin ever so slightly before his hot tongue sends a shiver of pleasure up through the roots of her hair and down to her toes. Elizabeth raises her leg, wrapping it around his, pushing herself up against him. His moan sends another shiver through her body. "Please John," she whimpers.

He slides up her body, rubbing himself against her in the most tantalizing way, making her tremble. With hands planted on both sides of her head, John lifts his weight and stares down at her with those intense eyes. "I'm here for you, Elizabeth…only you. Always." And suddenly, magnificently, he's inside her.

Elizabeth gasps at the feel of him. More wonderful than she ever imagined. Then he's lowering himself onto her, not crushing, but making incredible full body contact. The soft hairs on his chest and belly caress her, sending ripples of pleasure everywhere. Her hands knead his back, his mouth suckles her shoulder. And they start to move.

It only takes a handful of long, slow thrusts for Elizabeth to reach the peak of pleasure and she gushes out his name as she falls over the edge. John's mouth captures hers again and his movements quicken, become more powerful, pushing her toward another explosion. He rolls over, holding her tight, maneuvering her on top of him. One hand digs into her hair as his lips find hers again, his tongue demanding acceptance. His other hand grasps her ass, squeezing and pulling as he continues to plunge inside of her. Though, now she's making the most of her superior position, pushing against him with all her might, forcing him deeper.

They cry out at the same time and Elizabeth collapses onto his chest, her body quaking with pleasure. She rests her head on his shoulder. They lay there, heart to heart. She can feel his beat slowing along with hers. Their mutual panting regulates into deeper breathing. His warm hands roam over her back, his fingers playing at her spine. "Elizabeth?"

"Hmm?"

"I have to tell you--"

She lifts up, placing that quieting finger over his lips again. "No. No talking." Then she kisses him, hungry, demanding. He responds by weaving both hands into her hair again and plunging his tongue into her mouth for her to feast upon. She wants all of him for as long as she can get him. Her hand glides between them again, tenderly grazing him, eliciting a heady moan from deep inside. Pulling out of the kiss, she trails her lips and tongue down his body as he did hers. She continues fondling him ever so gently, making his breath catch even as his temperature—and excitement—rises. "Eliz…aaa…beth!"

She glances up at him. "Shhh." Then attacks his nipples with the same fervor he showed her. John's not made of stone—well, except for a wonderful piece of him that instantly reacts to her ministrations—and he melts into the bed even as some of his muscles visibly tighten.

She grips him firmly and he hisses. "Yesss." His breathing quickens. She slowly glides her hand up and down, feeling him harden under her touch then she releases her grip after a few strokes. He groans at the loss. But she's not going to leave him wanting as she moves down his body, trailing kisses along the way. Skipping the main event, she plants her lips on the inside of his right knee, nipping at the skin a little before playing her tongue over and up his flesh. The hair on his legs tickles her cheeks and chin.

"Gawd, Liz!" he groans when her lips continue up his inner thigh but remain shy of the target zone. She teases the tender flesh for a moment longer before starting all over with the opposite leg. He's panting now, almost whimpering. When she finally surrounds him and plays her tongue over his tip, he goes completely still, sucking in air through clenched teeth.

Elizabeth hums as she goes on her taste test and he grows more excited, instinctively lifting his hips, pushing himself deeper into her mouth. After several moments, she pulls away, getting off the bed completely, leaving him groaning with need. "Sit up," she orders.

It's an effort for him to move, but he does as she says, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. Elizabeth doesn't waste time playing with him anymore. She instantly plants her knees on either side of him and impales herself on his lap. John's rumbling groan matches hers. His arms encircle her again. His mouth finds her breasts and the spot in between. He holds her firmly as she rockets them toward oblivion.

Growing ever more excited as they move, John grips the back of her neck, tightens his hold around her waist and with a guttural moan, he's suddenly got her on her back again, knees near her shoulders and he's feverishly driving into her, grunting with every impatient stroke. He's hitting her in _that spot_, over and over until she finally succumbs to the intense build up of pleasure and - "JOHN!" her body shudders.

Several more powerful body blows and John howls out her name as he explodes deep inside her. He drops on top of Elizabeth, crushing her breasts to his chest, still holding her legs up, still pulsing inside her. She can feel him shaking and wraps her arms around him, kissing his cheek, bringing his face up so she can taste him again. "You're amazing," she pants, taking his bottom lip between hers.

John grins as he releases his hold on her legs, though he remains stationary between them. "And we're just getting started," he whispers with a wicked grin before deepening the kiss.

Elizabeth's eyes widen. _Ohgod! What have I gotten myself into?_


	2. Chapter 2

2

Elizabeth wakens to bright light shining in her eyes, a metallic pounding in her head and a smile making her cheeks ache. The last one she can't do anything about, and wouldn't want to anyway, but the other two are seriously disrupting her bliss. Shading her eyes with the back of her hand, she opens them slowly, only then realizing the blinding light is actually the sun blazing in from outside her bedroom window.

She shoots upright, seeing her whole room alight in glorious golden rays. The sheets are tangled about her body, and she's alone.

"Dr. Weir, please answer," a woman calls from the other side of her door.

The pounding isn't in her head, it's outside. Someone is outside. Elizabeth slips from the bed, retrieves her robe from the floor and opens the door, seeing Teyla with her hand up, ready to knock again. "Teyla?"

"Dr. Weir! Are you all right? I've been knocking for quite a while."

Elizabeth's eyes widen, she licks her lips as she looks toward the clock. _Ten-fifteen! It's ten-fifteen in the morning!_ She's never slept passed six a.m. in her life. Even as a kid, she'd always been the first one up in the house.

She runs a hand through her wavy hair. "Oh." Then she looks back at Teyla, whose alert eyes are full of questions. "Uhm." She takes a deep breath and raises her brows. "Is there an emergency?"

Teyla's taken back for a moment. "No…we were simply…concerned. You did not show up for the briefing." Teyla's eyes dart around the room. "And no one has seen you this morning. Are you not feeling well?"

"Oh…umm," she runs her hand through her hair again. "I'm fine. I…uh…" She glances back at the bed. "Overslept."

"I see."

_Get it together Beth. It's not the first time you've had sex!_

_But this was…holy shit! I have to face him!_ How is she going to do this? How can she go into that briefing room with this big-ass grin on her face and with everyone staring at them? What if he's got the same big-ass grin on his face?

Elizabeth turns to Teyla as she reaches for the door crystal. "I'll be there in ten minutes… don't let them leave."

Teyla nods, disappearing behind the closing door. Elizabeth strips off the robe as she heads into the bathroom, grabbing some clothes along the way. As she passes the threshold into the bathroom, she can hear him whispering in her ear.

She'd been drifting off to sleep when she felt him move from the bed. "Don't leave me," she sighed. She hadn't expected to do that, to say that. It sounded so…needy.

But he'd leaned down and kissed her cheek. "I'm coming back for you, Liz."

Elizabeth feels a shiver race down her spine. Another encounter like last night might actually cause her to reconsider her priorities.

oOo

Refreshed with a two minute shower, clean clothes and brushed teeth, Elizabeth holds her head high as she marches into the briefing room eight minutes after talking to Teyla. Four sets of eyes swivel towards her. She had no time for make-up save a quick swipe of mascara and some lip gloss and feels a bit naked without it.

_No naked. Don't think naked!_

Too late. The moment the word pops into her mind her eyes go straight to him. John raises his brows at her as he leans back in his chair. There's no big-ass grin, but there is a slight twinkle in his gaze. "Morning sleepy head," he says with a wry smirk.

Elizabeth clears her throat as she takes her seat. "I apologize for being late. My alarm didn't go off this morning."

"That's why I set two alarms, just in case." Rodney chimes in. "Well, at least you got some sleep finally. Forgive me for being insensitive, Elizabeth, but you've been looking a bit--"

"McKay," John snaps the verbal head-smack, shutting Rodney down instantly.

Elizabeth opens the file on her data pad. "Shall we get started?" She catches John watching her with that twinkle in his eyes. He doesn't look the least bit worn out from last night. How is that possible? The man is…well…gifted comes to mind. But also so energetic. He's got the most incredible stamina!

_No don't go there. This is business._

_Damn it, here comes that big-ass grin again._

Elizabeth drops her gaze from John's and studies her data pad. She simply has to get back to work.

oOo

She can't sit still. She has to move. Has to get out of the office.

_Now!_

John and his team took off on their recon mission little over an hour ago and it's driving her nuts that she can't see him. She has to talk to him. They have things to discuss. Like, what did he mean that he was coming back…or what about when he said he was there for her _only_.

_No. This is exactly what I didn't want to deal with. No craziness. Last night will have to be exactly that. Last night. The only night._

_Can I really do that? Give up such an amazing lover. Then again after that I probably don't need sex for like ten years…okay maybe five, but still…_

She's walking fast, dodging passed everyone, ignoring the looks of surprise or the questions about how she's feeling. She doesn't know where she's going until she gets there. She stands outside the door afraid to knock. The single guard gives her a quick nod. He looks bored. Probably hoping for an escape attempt or something interesting.

She shouldn't be here. But she can't help it. She has to talk to someone. Someone who _knows_.

"Door's open," a husky voice calls. It's a new voice, deeper than before, brought on by damage done to the vocal chords when Kolya tried to strangle her.

Elizabeth is still trying to get used to the change. Hell, she's still trying to get used to a lot of things about Angela. Elizabeth opens the door, seeing her sitting up in bed at an angle, a book on her lap: _War and Peace_. She looks rested but a bit wired. Not unlike Elizabeth, actually.

"Dr. Weir…" Elizabeth holds up a hand and Angela smirks. "Or is Beth visiting?"

"Beth." Elizabeth rubs her hands over her face. She's shaking and bouncing around the room as if she's just downed two cappuccinos in quick succession. And she can still feel the stupid grin on her face. She catches Angela watching her with a narrowed gaze.

"You did it," Angela says matter-of-factly. There's a hint of something in her eyes…jealousy maybe, but it's quickly gone and a smile takes hold.

Elizabeth sinks onto the edge of the bed, resting her hands in her lap to try and keep them from shaking. The moment she's down, her head drops and her shoulder crumble forward and the tears come out of nowhere. She's not sad or angry or even frustrated. There's no heavy weight in her chest forcing the tears to overflow. Elizabeth isn't sure, but she's feels…happy? Relieved?

Of all the people in the world she could open up to, it has to be Angela? They'd made the pact, but it's still so weird. And yet, Elizabeth feels safe here with the young woman. Feels she can let go and be herself…the whole ugly mess.

Elizabeth doesn't know how long she's been sitting and sobbing like a baby, but when she's done, that stupid ass grin is back on her face and she looks up at Angela to see the one thing she's needed all day. Understanding.

Suddenly, Elizabeth shoots forward and wraps her arms around Angela in a big hug. It must hurt a little because the other woman gives a squeak so Elizabeth quickly backs off. "I'm sorry…I forgot. I'm so sorry!"

Angela shakes her head and pats Elizabeth's hand. "It's okay. But…why…?"

Elizabeth's off the bed and bouncing around the room again. "I can't explain it. I've never felt so…" she stops and stares at her. This woman has given her an amazing gift. Angela Peterson has to be the most unselfish person ever born! She's so…unbelievably beautiful inside and out. "I think I'm in-love with you too."

"Excuse me?" The poor woman looks positively terrified.

Elizabeth gushes a laugh and holds up a hand, still grinning like a fool. "Not like that, Angie. But…God! Okay, I knew this would be awkward. I figured…we keep it all hushed up, never speak of it…but I gotta tell you…"

And Angela starts laughing. Not a little giggle or even a simple chuckle but a full on belly laugh. Elizabeth can only stare at her. _It's the grin. I must look pathetic..._

Suddenly the injured woman falls against her pillows clutching her still healing ribs, cringing in pain.

"Oh God, Angie. I'm so sorry." Elizabeth sits next to her on the bed and opens the bottle of pain pills, handing one to Angela then giving her a cup of water. "I'm so sorry."

Angela waves her off again. "I understand completely."

So that's it. She isn't laughing at Elizabeth, but at the situation. Because she knows. She's been there. Elizabeth feels the grin growing. "He's John."

Angela's brows arch and that smirk reappears. "That he is. A hundred percent."

_Ain't that the truth!_ Elizabeth giggles. She sounds like a teenager and covers her mouth to try and control it. Angela's still grinning and nodding in understanding. _Damn that John Sheppard. He knows how to enslave a woman, that's for sure! Oh God!_ Elizabeth's eyes open wide. "Could you imagine…if every woman…"

Angela holds up a hand. "We need clones. I'm already on that bandwagon."

_I was thinking more along the lines of him having world domination…but clones?_ Elizabeth can't hold in the chuckle at that thought and Angela joins in. After a few moments, Elizabeth grasps her partner-in-crime's hand and gives it a squeeze. "I truly can't believe I'm saying this, but…I'm glad he couldn't choose between us. I'm actually thrilled we're sharing him." _If we are, I still don't know._

Angela's brows shoot up. "Really?"

Elizabeth nods. "Otherwise, I think he might kill me." She giggles again remembering the animal she released last night. _And we're just getting started,_ he said before ravishing her over and over again. Elizabeth shudders at the pleasure-filled memory…such a wild animal. But then again there was always something loving in it, especially the first time.

"Oh, yes," Angela sighs. "Death by orgasm."

Elizabeth catches her gaze and they share a knowing look of bliss and at the same time say, "Not a bad way to go."


	3. Chapter 3

3

Elizabeth feels a soft, warm pressure against her cheek, drifting lazily down to her throat, tickling her awake. Her eyes flutter open. She might as well have kept them closed, however, because her room is too dark to see anything. Not that she has to. "John," she sighs as he continues to nuzzle her neck with sweet kisses. His hands play at her sides through the thin material of her bed sheet.

She marvels at the thought that the door opening didn't wake her. She's always been such a light sleeper. "Told you I'd be back," he whispers, finding her mouth and kissing her senseless.

He intoxicates her instantly, bringing heat to every part of her body, especially the lower, girly parts. Her hands grasp his face, his cheeks warm and stubble free. She returns the kiss with every part of her. He's been away far too long. "I wasn't sure you meant it," she says as his lips once again find that spot on her neck that makes her hum.

John slides the sheet aside and she can feel the heat of his hand as it skims over her T-shirt covered belly. She arches against him as his fingers slip beneath the band of her boxer shorts. "You doubt me?" he mumbles against her throat as his magic touch sends a tremble through her body, making her gasp.

"You stayed away…"

"Not long."

She can barely breathe, let alone think as he rubs the spot that makes her body shiver with delight. "Three weeks!" she cries with pleasure.

John stops suddenly. His hand rests against her, but doesn't move, leaving her mind spinning. He lifts his head and she can now see him even in the deep shadows. His eyes glisten from the starlight glittering through her window. "Has it been that long?" She can see the furrow of his brow. His free hand caresses her cheek. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize."

Before she can respond, his mouth claims hers again, the kiss deep and passionate, taking her breath away quite literally. John returns to his ministrations, gently, slowly…bringing her to a boil. Her body is liquid fire, eager to explode. Elizabeth grips his shoulders and pulls him down onto the bed. She can't see his clothes, but can feel the cotton of his T-shirt, the roughness of his jeans. Civvies again! _Damn, he's hot in civvies!_

He breaks the kiss, leaving them both panting. His lips start a trail down the other side of her neck to her throat. His free roaming hand finds the edge of her T-shirt and pushes it up to expose her breasts. Then his tongue is on her, first one side then the other, he sucks and licks as his hand squeezes and his thumb teases. Just then his other exploring fingers delve inside her as his teeth nip at her sensitive skin. "God John!"

"You like that?"

Her hips rise, pushing against his fingers. "Yes."

"How 'bout…that?"

Her breath catches. "Yes!"

She's about to lose it when he stops, again, this time without apology. She can see the glimmer in his eyes as he smiles up at her. "Not yet." Removing her T-shirt, John attacks her breasts again, this time with both hands kneading her, teasing her even as his mouth continues the earlier delicious torment. Deliberately slow, John kisses his way down her stomach to the band of her shorts. He dips his hot tongue into her belly button and she sobs his name. The heat of his fingers slipping under the band and pulling the shorts over her hips sends a tremor through her. Elizabeth's brain screams with need, her head rolls back and forth on the pillow.

He's toying with her. Driving her crazy. Exactly how she toyed with him the last time they were together. John pulls her shorts off and tosses them aside. He runs his hands up the outsides of her legs from ankles to hips. Then he returns to the ankles and trails a feather-light touch up the inner leg on one side then the other. Finally his tongue makes the same journey. Each time he gets close to touching her _right there_, he stops just short.

"Tell me, Elizabeth," he says softly as he drops delicate kisses on the tender skin of her inner thighs.

"What?" she gasps.

He gazes up at her, the dim light still making his eyes glisten eerily in the dark. It's the only feature she can make out at the moment. He blows on the last spot he kissed, sending a shiver racing up her spine. "I need to know."

Elizabeth's brain refuses to function. She can't think about anything other than the touch of his lips and tongue on her flesh. "Please, John."

"Elizabeth?"

"I love you!"

"I know that," he whispers. Gently he raises her right leg until her foot is flat on the bed. He runs his fingers over her skin again, his tongue follows the trail; this time his teeth nip at the soft skin of her leg. "Do you want me to be with you?"

"God yes!"

He raises her other leg in the same manner. She can feel his breath between them. God, she's never been so turned on in her life. His hands rest on her hips as he plants more kisses inside her trembling legs, meticulously moving from the knee, closer…closer! "Always?"

"Always. And forever," she sighs. She means it too. She knows what he wants now. What he really needs to hear. Elizabeth's heart thuds hard in her chest. She hadn't consciously made the decision, but she knows it's right. She knows her heart even if her mind rails against it. Her heart is with him…it has been from the beginning.

The moment she met John in Antarctica, she wanted him and not just for the expedition… but for herself. The beautiful face, hard masculine body, the cocky flyboy attitude. She was drawn to him instantly. No matter how much she tries to deny it, rationalize it, there's no cure.

And then he came, he joined the team. And if he hadn't, she and the rest of her crew would surely be dead a hundred times over by now. She needs him all the time. Wants him all the time. If he isn't with her, she's not whole…part of her is missing.

Atlantis doesn't mean anything without John Sheppard. It's as simple as that. "I'd give it up for you, John," she gasps. She can feel the tears rising. Not unhappy or regretful tears, but tears of truth. "I'd give up Atlantis to be with you."

She can hear and feel him sigh. "Thank you." Then he pulls her hips, sliding her toward him as he kisses her _there_ and shows her exactly how thankful he really is.

Elizabeth writhes on the bed. John's hands cup her ass, squeezing as he lifts her to meet his hungry mouth, his magnificent tongue. He has total control over her, she's helpless to resist. Not that she wants to. She's never known such ecstasy in her life. Simon was always a generous lover, but… "John!" she gasps completely breathless.

She reaches for him, her fingers finding his hair. He responds with a deep moan that vibrates all around her, inside her and she nearly squeals with delight. "I'm so close." Her voice is barely a whisper. "…need…you…inside…"

His hands tighten their grip and she can feel the faintest scrap of teeth against her…_holy shit!_ He pulls her even closer toward him. His tongue plunges deeper finding her secret center over and over until she screams as her body spasms with unimaginable pleasure.

Even before her powerful orgasm is over, John's standing with his hands under her knees, lifting half her body off the bed. "Now you're ready," he growls and drives deep inside her…all the way. He pulls out and slams into her again and again; each stroke filling her completely.

She comes again mere moments after the first time, just as powerfully, calling out his name as always. With a grunt, John drops on top of her. He spreads her legs wide as he continues thrusting between them. Elizabeth wraps her arms around him, not caring how much weight he presses on her, she needs him close. John's arms snake under her and he grips her shoulders, pulling her down even as he forces himself up into her. It's as if he's trying to get his whole being inside her. And she's more than welcoming, her hands smoothing over his back, down to his ass, gripping and pulling at him.

Time loses all definition and Elizabeth has no idea how long they work toward the mutual end, but when the final explosion erupts, John cries out her name even as her voice gets choked off with a sob from the intensity of it all. All that matters is that they're together, locked as one.

Later, as they spoon on their sides, completely spent, John rests his chin on her shoulder. The tips of his fingers trace lazily up and down her arm. The quiet thump of his heart against her back and tingle of his breath on her skin lulls her near the edge of sleep. "Elizabeth?"

"Hmm?"

"When did you know you loved me?"

She rolls slightly toward him so she can see the starlight glittering in his eyes. Hers are so heavy; she's finding it hard to focus. She reaches up and touches his lips with her fingertips. "When you left me…took the jumper…to save us all." He kisses her fingers. "You?"

His brow furrows again as he looks down at her, as if the memory is too hard to find. "I don't think I was ever _not_ in-love with you." That gets her heart skipping with joy and she smiles drowsily. He nuzzles her neck, suckles her earlobe. "Did you mean it? You'd risk it all. Give it up…for me."

As hard as she tries, she can't keep her eyes from slowly closing. She wishes she could see his face when she tells him. "Yes." But sleep takes her without a struggle.

As colors spiral and splash behind her eyelids and sounds become muffled, the last thing she remembers is the whisper of his words in her ear. "Then so will I."


	4. Chapter 4

4

Leaving the mess hall after having another one of her inscrutable chats with Ronon, Elizabeth makes her way toward the nearest transporter. It really makes no sense to her how someone as closed off as Ronon managed to get Angela, of all people, to open up. The man rarely speaks more than a word or two. Elizabeth simply can't get a bead on him. Not that she was really in the mood to try. She was looking for a distraction from her nagging thoughts about last night and about John. Ronon isn't very good at distracting her, unfortunately.

Luckily, Rodney is. His urgent call for her to come to the Control Room gets her blood pumping. But on the way, her mind starts pecking at her again.

He was gone when she awoke.

Outside her window, the morning looked a bit dull and gray, possibly hinting at an incoming storm. She shivered at the thought. The last storm left her with many scars, not simply physical ones. She'd never been so terrified, even when being held hostage in Nigeria. She can still feel Kolya's hold around her waist as he tried dragging her through the open wormhole.

But John saved her. As he always does.

She grins at the thought of him. He's going to be with her. He's going to give up Angie for her. He as much as said so.

_Didn't he?_

Elizabeth chews on her bottom lip. What if she's reading too much into it? She was almost asleep. Hell, she could have been completely asleep for that matter. Maybe she didn't hear what she thought she heard.

And if he's so willing to give up Angela, why did it take him so long to return to Elizabeth's bed? She knows he's been busy with missions, but three weeks? And he seemed to not realize how long it had been. Is she so forgettable that…

_Don't go there. That path leads to insanity._

Shaking off the thought, another one pops into her head. Something she really shouldn't find unsettling, but does. When she tossed her covers aside this morning, she found herself wearing her bed clothes from the night before. But she doesn't remember getting dressed again. _Well, maybe I got cold after his warm body left me alone. It's nothing…_

Yet there's still that nagging little voice in the back of her head trying to tell her something, but she can't quite make out the words.

oOo

Elizabeth overhears John and Rodney having a discussion about PXT-705. "I'm simply wondering when she's going to be available now that Carson's released her from bed rest. It's not much to ask."

"Trust me, Rodney. The minute Angie's able to walk again, she'll be more than willing to go back to the planet with you."

"Walk? There's nothing wrong with her legs--" John turns and gives Rodney a wicked smirk and the scientist cringes. "Ewww. Sheppard. Too much information!"

"What's going on?" Elizabeth asks as she comes up behind them.

John grins. "Morning, Elizabeth. Sleep well?"

She narrows her gaze on him. "Yes, actually?" Tilting her chin down, she watches him closely. "You?"

He smiles again, rocking on his heels. "Like a baby." He motions to Rodney. "I was just telling McKay that Angie says hello."

Elizabeth raises her brows. "You've seen her this morning, already?"

A bit of a blush colors his cheeks and ears and he drops his gaze from hers, but she doesn't miss the boyish grin. Rodney groans and shakes his head. "Oh, please, he certainly wasn't in _his_ room when I came knocking," he says with definite irritation. Rodney turns to Elizabeth. "You know those times he refuses to wear his headset and you can't find him? Just check her room."

"That's enough, McKay."

"Please, you're like teenagers in heat."

"McKay!" John sends a death glare to the scientist who looks appropriately chastised.

Rodney glances sheepishly back at Elizabeth. "Anyway…I've found something."

Elizabeth stares at the screen, instantly putting on her 'leader' hat and leaving the rest for later. _That is how this whole thing is supposed to work. Right? _"What is it?"

Rodney points at the blip on the screen. "That is the signature of an Ancient ship called the Aurora…"

oOo

It's been a rather uneventful day with Sheppard's team checking out the Ancient warship with the Daedalus' help and Major Lorne's team off-world on Belkan retrieving the supplies of grain Teyla bartered for two weeks ago—though John swears they got screwed on that deal.

Somehow, Elizabeth has finally managed to catch up on all her work. Every report read, every status file checked. It's odd, but for the first time in forever, she actually has time to herself, without having to feel guilty about it.

There haven't been any emergencies, and thankfully, no explosions since Rodney is out of the city. Dr. Zelenka and his crew are busy with some new Ancient toy that might be a fabrication device for cloth and other materials. Carson's in the infirmary working on 'something interesting' though he refuses to give her any further information. He did, however, promise her it has nothing to do with the Wraith retrovirus or the nanovirus and cannot infect anyone.

"Good to know," she told him.

Being ever astute, Carson did seem to understand that she had absolutely nothing to do with herself and practically ordered her to be lazy. "Take a walk, eat some junk food, read a book. Or better yet, go take a nap. You could use the extra sleep, Elizabeth. You rarely get any."

She nodded and left him to his work. Taking the first part of his advice, Elizabeth found herself heading back to the Control Room, but not to her office. She stepped out onto the balcony and rested her arms on the railing.

She's been there ever since, just watching the waves lap onto the lower portions of the city. The morning overcast has dissipated, though there are clouds floating around the sky and a humid, salty breeze warning of bad weather ahead. Still, it's a breathtaking view she can never get enough of seeing. Dusky red settles across the sky as the day wanes. She's about to head back in when the doors slide open and John emerges. He looks tired and a little sad. "I take it you didn't get to keep a new toy," she offers as condolences.

Licking his lips and shaking his head, he joins her at the railing. "Not this time."

Elizabeth straightens her arms as she holds on to the rail. She smiles at him. "Want to talk about it?"

John sticks his hands in his pockets and shrugs. "At the debriefing. I actually have a favor to ask." She waits. "I made a promise to someone. I'd like to have a toast to the crew of the Aurora at the end of the meeting."

Elizabeth narrows her gaze, considering him. "A toast?"

He nods. "You'll understand after Rodney and I tell you what happened."

She raises her brows. "Okay then. But I don't have any--"

"I do." He shrugs again. "Picked it up last time on Earth. I was saving it for New Year's Eve. Just wanted to get your permission…and perhaps some glasses."

Elizabeth grins and nods. "I think I can manage that." She looks over the ocean again. "Why don't we meet in my office instead of the conference room? Less formal."

"Sounds like a plan." He pokes his thumb over his shoulder. "Carson wants to check out my noggin, make sure it's all still here. And I'd like to stop by and see Angie…"

Elizabeth holds up a hand and offers a slim smile. "See you in about an hour then?"

John nods once and starts to head back inside. Elizabeth lets out a deep breath and crosses her arms. This is harder than she ever expected. Pretending nothing is going on when so much has happened.

And she told Angie she was glad about sharing him. At the time, she seemed to have meant it, but now…? Every time he mentions the other woman's name, it's like a knife in Elizabeth's heart. How could he not see that?

"Do you…?"

Elizabeth turns, seeing John standing at the door, his brows furrowed. "Would you like to say hi to Angie? I'm sure she'd appreciate the visit."

"Oh…uhm…" She wrinkles her nose. "I need to make the arrangements. You know how hard it is to find clean glasses around here."

"Right." He watches her for a moment. "Is something wrong?"

Elizabeth's brows shoot up. "No. Of course not."

He takes a step toward her. "Because…you did say you don't have a problem. With me and Angie…being together."

Elizabeth tries to put him at ease even though her stomach is flopping around like a fish dying out of water. She drops her gaze and looks at her feet as she rubs her hands over her bare arms. "I did say that, yes."

_Please John, can't you see this is killing me?_

"So we're good," he says.

Elizabeth meets his gaze, seeing a sadness in there, her best friend asking for forgiveness. She offers a weak smile. "Absolutely."

With another nod, John turns his back on her and disappears through the sliding doors. It takes all her strength not to crumple to the floor, hug her knees to her chest and sob like a little girl.

_I'm not cut out for this._

oOo

Elizabeth sips her champagne. John and Rodney's recounting of their time in the artificial environment was truly amazing. And the courage and dedication of the Aurora crew is nothing short of inspiring and heartbreaking. There are several moments of silence as they each contemplate what has taken place. The wormhole activates and the usual alarms sound. There's a moment of tension, but Elizabeth raises her hand. "Major Lorne's team is due back now." No one leaves and the tension dissipates as the alarms are silenced.

All eyes turn toward the windows, seeing Lorne's team come through the gate carrying their bounty. Elizabeth grins at the rest of her group. "They're always on time." She offers a raised brow in John's direction. Both Teyla and Ronon follow Elizabeth's gaze but it's Teyla who looks back at the Atlantis leader wearing a wry smile of her own.

John sneers with a bit of good humor at the dig. "I still say we got hosed on that Belkan deal."

Teyla takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "As I mentioned before, Colonel. Negotiation is a delicate balance. One that had to be reset for prior…" Her eyes rest on Ronon, "difficulties."

Ronon rolls his eyes and Elizabeth tries to hold back a grin. From Teyla's report on the previous trip to Belkan, it seems Ronon took it upon himself to force a deal in Teyla's favor. This did not sit well with the other side or with Teyla. Elizabeth was surprised by the anger Teyla showed Ronon for several days following that incident, not unlike Elizabeth's anger toward Rodney because of the solar system he blew up at the same time.

Caldwell is the first to break from the group. Setting his empty glass on Elizabeth's desk and offering a goodnight to all. On his way out the door, he glances back and says, "Good work," to Sheppard and company, startling everyone. He departs before anyone has a chance to respond.

Lorne comes up to the office. He nods to Elizabeth. "No problems, ma'am. They even threw in something extra, some sort of spice…for a taste. If we like it, we can bargain for more."

Elizabeth smiles diplomatically. "Good. Have Dr. Beckett run his tests first."

Lorne nods. "Of course." He turns his eyes toward John, who seems to be watching the Major expectantly. Lorne grins as he reaches into his vest pocket, pulls out a small wooden box that fit in the palm of his hand. The delicately crafted wood is etched with an intricate floral design, and polished to a shine. He tosses it to John, who catches it easily, his smile wide, exposing his dimples. He sets his glass down and heads for the door. "Excuse me," he says as an after thought to no one in particular.

Ronon is close behind him. "Is that it?" They're beyond the threshold when Elizabeth hears Ronon say, "Let me see."

Elizabeth's gaze dances from Lorne to Teyla then to Rodney. She sees that Rodney has the same confused look on his face she must be wearing. "What's going on?" Elizabeth asks.

Lorne raises his brows and presses his lips together in a tight line. "Nothing, ma'am. The Colonel just asked me to pick that up for him. If you'll excuse me, I'd like to help my team put the supplies away."

Elizabeth nods giving Lorne his leave. Both she and Rodney stare at Teyla expectantly. "I too have work--"

"Teyla?"

"Yes?"

"What was that?"

Teyla glances over her shoulder, probably hoping for escape, then looks back at Elizabeth. "That was… a personal item commissioned by the Colonel."

"A box?" Rodney asks in his usual tone. "He commissioned a box? What did he trade for it…a rock?"

Teyla smiles as she would at a small child. "I believe he traded some of the…Haskin alcohol for it."

"Well, it was lovely," Elizabeth says.

"Still," Rodney counters. "Why would he want a tiny box?"

Elizabeth glances down at her desk, seeing the urn he gave her for her birthday. Obviously the box is a present for someone. Most likely, Angela.

"I truly have no idea," Teyla sighs. "The Colonel was kind enough to take Ronon on that mission while I kept the trade meeting."

Elizabeth nods in understanding. "I see."

"But he must have told you," Rodney says. He whined about lab work so he didn't have to go on that off-world mission and John hadn't argued the point. Now, Elizabeth could see Rodney kicking himself for staying behind in his lab. He hates being out of the loop.

Teyla shakes her head. "He did not. And I did not ask." Teyla's tone clearly indicates she has no intention of discussing the matter further. She takes her friendship with John very seriously.

"Wait a minute--" Rodney starts but Elizabeth stops him with a hand to his arm.

"It's okay, Rodney. We don't have to know everything."

Taking that as a cue, Teyla nods to Elizabeth and leaves. Rodney's gaping mouth closes then opens and closes again. "But…I like to." He rushes after Teyla and Elizabeth can hear him peppering her with more questions.

Elizabeth gathers up the glasses and places them on the tray and heads for the mess hall for dinner. Even as she tries to put it out of her mind, she sees the beautiful little box that made John's eyes light up with joy.

And her stomach twists into a knot.

oOo

It's raining, though not too heavily, as Elizabeth stands on her balcony in the middle of the night. Atlantis is asleep, for the most part. The soldiers that watch the gate room are on guard as usual, but otherwise, everything is quiet.

After dinner, Elizabeth returned to her office to see if the reports were submitted. She found much more than she expected. She received Teyla's, Caldwell's and Rodney's to peruse. She didn't expect to see Ronon's or John's reports anytime soon, those two are notorious for avoiding paperwork, even if it could be simply typed and e-mailed to her. But Dr. Zelenka and his team also had something for her to read. Some fifty pages of something to read. The Aurora reports were easy enough to get through, even Rodney's with his usual scientific exuberance and explanations, but Dr. Zelenka's managed to make her eyes cross many times and had her nodding off at least once before she put it aside and came out to let the wispy rain dance on her face.

With her eyes closed, she leans into the softly pelting water, letting it wash away her thoughts and fears.

So many fears lately. And they all revolve around John.

"Here you are," he says from behind her.

Elizabeth blinks and spins. John's standing in front of the closed doors. He's dressed down in jeans again, something she's still not used to seeing.

With two strides he's in front of her, his hand coming up to cup her cheek. "You're all wet," he says softly, flashing that adorable grin. With one touch, he takes her breath away. Then he's pulling her to him, capturing her mouth in a passionate kiss that nearly buckles her knees. His arms encircle her, trapping her against his hard chest.

_No!_

She can't let this happen anymore. He's only here because Angie's left for PXT-705 with Rodney about five hours ago. And as much as Elizabeth wants to be with John, she can't be part of this deal any longer.

It has to end. One way or another.

Pulling out of the kiss is harder than she expected and it costs her a sob. "Stop." Her hands flat on his chest, Elizabeth pushes away from him and he releases her. Confusion plays over his gorgeous face and there's pain in his eyes.

"I can't do this anymore, John." She leans against the railing, not caring that she's fully exposed to the weather. "I can't be with you…not like this." Elizabeth shakes her head, bringing her hands up to cover her face and hide her sob. "It's too hard."

John pulls her hands down. "Elizabeth--"

Hot tears drip onto her cold cheeks. "I'm not strong enough. Not for this."

"But I love you. You love me…you said--"

"I know what I said!" She stomps away, wrapping her arms tight around her wet shirt. "You don't have to keep reminding me."

"Reminding you…?" He heaves a sigh. "What are you saying? You won't risk Atlantis--"

She spins on him. "I already told you I would. I'm not the problem, John. You can't keep doing this to me. Either we're together or we're not. It's you're choice. Do you want _me_?"

John grabs her by the upper arms and holds her tight, his face creased with seriousness. "You know I do." He cups her face with his warm hands. "That's what I came to tell you." He gently pushes a stray curl behind her ear. "Something's…going to happen." He leans in and stares into her eyes. "It's going to change everything. Possibly even how you feel about me."

She shakes her head. "Nothing can do that."

"Are you so sure?"

"I've never loved anyone like I do you, John. That's why I was so scared for so long. Why I denied it. All these feelings are so new to me. I was terrified of losing our friendship…of losing you."

He pulls her head to his shoulder and hugs her close. "You'll never lose me, Elizabeth."

"I…" she searches for the words, something that's never been a problem, until now. "I want you to be happy." _Even if it's not with me._

"That's the plan," he says, lifting her face so he can bring his lips down upon hers again.

It's not long before she's lost in the feel of his lips and his hands on her wet skin as he skims them up under the hem of her top. He deftly unhooks her bra and brings his caress around to the front, still under her shirt. His thumbs play over her breast, bringing them to instant attention. It's as if he can read her mind. He knows exactly where to touch her and how.

Gasping when John breaks the kiss, Elizabeth drops her head back, giving him full access to her neck where his lips ultimately land as his hands continue to explore her flesh. She finds herself backing up and suddenly against a wall, water pouring down her back, but she doesn't care.

They could be spotted at any minute by a patrol. But she doesn't care.

John lifts her shirt and bra up to expose her. The cool air makes her shiver, but not as much as his hot mouth when he sucks and licks her so gently, so sensuously, she almost loses it right then. His fingers slide under the rim of her pants, making her stomach flutter with the usual anticipation. Then he undoes the zipper and her pants are dropping and she still can't find a reason to care.

As his mouth returns to hers, his tongue slowly dips inside at the same time as he carefully enters her. The sensation is maddening, especially as he starts to move both in tandem while his hands expertly cup and squeeze her breasts.

Elizabeth weaves her fingers into his damp hair and relinquishes all control. She opens herself to him completely, offering herself up as a human sacrifice for his wants and desires. It's all she can do. As if she has no will of her own.

Their grunts and moans combine and get carried away on the rain and wind. She doesn't feel the cold any longer, only heat. Heat from within, ready to burn her up from the inside out, leaving nothing but ashes to be washed away by the storm.

His hands slide down her body, gripping her hips tight as his thrust become more powerful, urgent, needy. The deeper he drives, igniting sparks of pleasure throughout her body, the surer Elizabeth is that spontaneous human combustion is inevitable. And again, she doesn't care. She's given herself over to him…there's nothing left.

Except this.

With the final plunge, they hold each other, crying out, shuddering as one and tears spring to Elizabeth's eyes. She knows in that moment there's nothing else to be said.

This is goodbye.


	5. Chapter 5

5

She wakes suddenly, a gasp caught in her throat.

"I apologize, Dr. Weir. I did not mean to startle you," Teyla says, standing at Elizabeth's side with a hand on her shoulder.

Elizabeth's eyes dart around, getting her bearings: her office, her desk, her head on her desk. She sits up quickly, too quickly as a kink pinches the nerves in her neck. Her hand instantly goes to it and she winces at the sharp pain. The bright morning glow hits her eyes, sending shards of invisible glass into her brain.

"Are you quite all right, Dr. Weir?"

"I'm…fine. Thank you, Teyla." Except she can't turn her head to look at the Athosian woman.

"Have you been here all night?"

"I…uh." Elizabeth licks her dry lips as she inspects her rumpled clothes. On the desk is Dr. Zalenka's report open on her datapad at exactly the same place she left off before going out to the balcony. "Yes. I'm afraid so." Elizabeth tries to remember coming back inside after John left her…

The last thing she does remember is the moment of pure bliss combined with the wrenching pain of her shattering heart. She swallows hard, clearing the lump that's forming in her throat.

Teyla moves around to take the chair opposite Elizabeth's. "You really should take better care of yourself, Dr. Weir."

Elizabeth rubs her hands over her face. Her cheeks are crusty…from dried tears. "I'm fine, Teyla."

"You work too hard."

Elizabeth raises her brows. "I've heard that before."

"It is true. You need to take time away. Leave the burden with Colonel Sheppard or Colonel Caldwell for a day or so."

She takes a deep breath. "If only it were that easy."

Teyla sighs. "Being a leader of so many…could never be easy."

Elizabeth shares Teyla's slim smile. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"Yes. I received word from one of my off-world contacts. They have information on the possible whereabouts of a ZPM."

Elizabeth's out of her chair instantly, though she regrets the sudden move as all her muscles are sore and tense, especially that kink in her neck. "Really. When did you hear?"

"A few moments after Dr. McKay and Angela returned."

"They're back?" Elizabeth glances out her window at the dormant gate. "The gate dialed in…twice?" she asks though more to herself than Teyla. How could she not have heard it? Or the alarms?

"Yes," Teyla says softly. She tilts her head, watching Elizabeth carefully. "You did not hear me call to you either, if that is what has you concerned. You were—how does the Colonel put it—out like a light."

Elizabeth runs her fingers through her loose curls. "I've never been a heavy sleeper."

"Perhaps you are ill."

"I feel fine."

"No disrespect, Dr. Weir. But is that not up to Dr. Beckett to determine. I do know that at times, when I am first becoming ill, I tend to sleep more. And more deeply."

Elizabeth nods. That does make sense. She was out in the rain last night. Perhaps she's catching a cold or something.

But she doesn't feel sick. Not even a slight chill even after spending the night in wet clothes that had plenty of time to dry.

"You should see Dr. Beckett."

Elizabeth nods, thankful for Teyla's concern and friendship. "Probably not a bad idea. First things first. About the ZPM."

"I have mentioned the 'tip' to Colonel Sheppard. He wishes to follow up the lead."

Elizabeth raises a hand. "No persuasion necessary, Teyla. It's your team's mission. When is the meeting?"

"In two hours time."

"And you have the address?"

"I do."

Elizabeth nods. "I'll call for a briefing. You did say Rodney has returned."

Teyla nods. "He was quite eager to work on the data he brought back on the portable hard drives."

"I'm sure he is. However, that can wait. He'll be thrilled to get his hands on another ZPM."

Teyla rises and heads for the door. She glances back. "Are you sure there is nothing the matter?"

"Why do you ask?"

She tilts her head again, her eyes heavy with concern. "You were crying in your sleep."

Elizabeth's eyes widen. "Oh?" She doesn't even remember falling asleep, let alone dreaming. Teyla's watching her, expecting some kind of explanation. "Bad dreams."

"If you say so."

Elizabeth offers a professional smile. "I do."

"Very well." Teyla returns the smile, though hers is dampened with concern, and she leaves.

oOo

She can't take her eyes off him even though she tries. It's as if she needs to memorize his face; though, she knows it by heart. He's well-rested and playful today. He and Rodney are going on about the benefit of electric razors versus the alternative; Rodney being adamant that electric razors waste valuable city power and do not offer the closest shave.

Ronon refuses to join in with the conversation, preferring to abstain from comment, though he does touch his beard briefly. Then he shares a look with Teyla and she smiles before dropping her eyes to her hands on the table and blushing a bit. Elizabeth sees Ronon's eyes crinkle with delight.

John's smile and the way he rubs his slightly shadowed chin leaves Elizabeth with a tingle in her stomach. Every time he's come to her at night, he's always cleanly shaved, not a hint of stubble. But the sight of it is very stimulating, gives him a certain appeal that can't be explained. There's that tingle again, moving lower.

One she must forget ever existed.

"I'm just saying," John tells Rodney. "It has been known to draw interest…on occasion."

Rodney dismisses him with a wave of his hand. "And burns like sandpaper, Colonel. And I've been informed by a rather lovely lady that it's not appreciated--"

Elizabeth narrows her eyes as she realizes exactly what they are debating. "Gentlemen. Can we please get started?"

The men look properly admonished. John leans back in his chair and folds his arms, his eyes twinkling as usual. Rodney occupies himself with his coffee and breakfast bar. Elizabeth motions to Teyla, it's her meeting.

Teyla tells them the address and name of the planet as well as that of her contact. Rodney scoffs. "And why do we have to go. There are plenty of other teams that could take this on."

"It's a milk-run, Rodney," John says.

"Exactly my point. Do you realize how much data I brought back from PXT-705?"

"No," Ronon says. "But you are certain to bore us with it anyway."

Elizabeth can see that's exactly what Rodney was planning on doing until Ronon caught his eye. Rodney crosses his arms and pouts. "I just don't see why we have to go is all."

Teyla sighs. "Because Fallon informed me the people he spoke with will only deal with a known associate of his. Which would be me."

Rodney waves his hand. "Then you can go."

"McKay!" John snaps. "We're a team. We go together. That's an order."

Rodney glares at John before turning pleading eyes onto Elizabeth. She shakes her head. "You heard the Colonel. You're a team. You're mission." She shrugs. "Just think about everything you can accomplish with a second ZPM."

"We don't even know if it exists."

John flips a hand. "Which is why we need to find out."

Elizabeth nods, collecting her datapad. "You have a go."

"Fine," Rodney snaps.

Elizabeth's the first out of the meeting this time. She has to get away from John. She needs space and time to get over him.

_How did I ever think this would have—could have—worked out between us?_ It was so obvious from the time she and Angie dropped the bomb on John that he'd already made up his mind. And Elizabeth knows, deep down, that it's for the best. John and Angie have no issues, no protocol to overcome. There's no undue tension for their relationship. They can simply be.

"Elizabeth…" John calls, rushing up to catch her. "I…uhm." He waits until Teyla, Ronon and Rodney pass them by. Then he lowers his voice. "We need to talk."

She raises her brows. "I don't believe that's necessary. I think we've covered everything." She starts toward her office again.

John keeps pace. "I'm not talking about the mission."

"Neither am I."

"It's just that--"

Elizabeth steps through her door and John follows. He waves a hand over the control panel and the door slides closed. Elizabeth sits at her desk. "You're ride is leaving any minute, Colonel."

He smirks. "Not without the chauffer," he shakes a thumb at his chest. "I want to make sure you're all right."

"I'm fine."

"Teyla says you slept in your office again. Sitting at the desk, no less." She glances at him from under her brows then busies herself with the datapad. "You do have a bed, you know."

"Yes," she says, drawing it out. "I'm familiar with it."

"You need to use it. And a pillow, not a report."

"Thank you for your concern, John." She smiles. "I'll take it under advisement."

"Good." A moment later he's fidgeting and bouncing on his heels. He sighs.

"Is there something else, Colonel?"

"Yeah." He bounces again. "Something's…something peculiar happened--"

Her brows rise. "Peculiar?"

"More than once, actually." He rubs his neck in the usual manner when he's unsure how to proceed. "I just don't know how to say this without upsetting you. It's about…us."

Tears start to cloud her vision. "Please. Not now," she whispers.

But he must not have heard her because he adds: "I haven't been sleeping well."

She blinks the tears away before looking at him. "You seem well rested."

John breaks eye contact, rubs the back of his neck some more and licks his lips. "I've been having some rather viv--"

Rodney knocks on Elizabeth's door, rattling the glass, startling both of them. He taps his watch as he glares at John.

Grimacing, John step forward and places both hands on her desk, leaning down and looking straight at her with those heavenly eyes, she's hard pressed to look away. "When I get back. I…we have to talk about this…among other things. It's important."

Elizabeth nods. She can't trust her voice right now. John nods as well then turns to go. "Be safe," she says as usual.

He glances back and smiles. "Always."

And then he's gone.

They all are.

oOo

"Lorne out," he says and the video feed is cut. Shortly thereafter, the wormhole shuts down. Elizabeth squeezes her arms tighter around her. She takes a deep breath and clicks her headset. "Dr. Zelenka, this is Weir."

"Dr. Weir?"

"We have a situation, Radek. I need you to run a diagnostic on a DHD…off-world. Pull the last addresses dialed from it."

He grumbles something in Czech that doesn't sound very positive about the prospect of leaving Atlantis. Elizabeth pinches the bridge of her nose as she shuts her eyes tight. "Please bring the necessary equipment to the gate room and prepare to leave as soon as possible."

"Yes, Dr. Weir."

"Thank you. Weir out." She clicks her headset again and drops her head, sighing heavily. There's a rock in the pit of her stomach. She always gets it whenever Sheppard's team is in trouble. It's literally her gut instinct telling her something is wrong with John.

Dr. Zelenka arrives within ten minutes, loaded down with a bag full of technical equipment. Elizabeth meets him downstairs. She talks quietly to him. "Sheppard's team is missing."

"Missing?"

"Major Lorne suspects they may have been taken to a different planet than the one they went to this morning."

He pulls off his glasses and cleans them with his rumpled blue shirt before sliding them back on. "I see." He nods to her, offering a slim smile. "I will do my best."

"Thank you."

After he steps through the event horizon and the gate shuts down, Elizabeth takes a moment to breathe. She has to will her feet to go back up the stairs and head for the transporter. The next person she has to talk to is the last person she wants to tell.

Angela's in her usual massage therapy room with Lt. Laura Cadman. It looks like they're busy re-arranging the furniture, but having some difficulty—and a lot of giggles—over moving the massage table. Laura's at the head of the table and Angie's at the foot. As Elizabeth steps into the room, she sees the two women have decided to occupy their time by shoving the bed against each other in a battle the direct opposite to tug-of-war. Push-of-war maybe?

Their laughter is cut short when they see Elizabeth.

"Dr. Weir," Laura says, instantly becoming Lt. Cadman. "We were just--"

Elizabeth smiles. "Relax, Laura. You're not on duty." She looks to Angie.

Her brown eyes widen with worry and her face pales. Her intuition and ability to read people is a very unsettling. "What's happened?"

Elizabeth motions to the door. "Maybe we should--"

"Just tell me," Angie says in her husky, firm voice.

Elizabeth takes a deep breath before she nods. She clasps her hands in front of her. "Col. Sheppard's team did not report in at their scheduled time."

Angie closes her eyes. "How overdue are they?"

"Five hours." Elizabeth moves closer to the other woman, who's now leaning heavily on the massage table. "Major Lorne has already searched the planet they were on. And I've sent Dr. Zelenka over to…"

Angie's eyes snap open and lock onto Elizabeth's. "They're missing."

Elizabeth swallows hard. "Yes."

Sucking in her bottom lip, Angie nods, dropping her eyes to the floor. A moment later, she folds herself in half over the table, resting her head on her hands. "It's my fault."

"What?" Elizabeth and Laura move in immediately.

"Why would you say that?" Elizabeth asks.

"Don't be ridiculous," Laura says at the same time.

Angie pushes herself up, the muscles in her thin arms bulging as her hands grip the sides of the table. For some reason, Elizabeth half expected her to be teary-eyed, sobbing…but that's not Angela. Remaining ever stoic, Angie offers them a wry smile. She looks to Laura. "It's the curse," she says with a shrug.

"Don't be an idiot," Laura says sternly, placing a hand on Angie's shoulder. "So you told him you love him. That's a gift, not a curse."

Elizabeth hides her shock about the declaration of love—or at least tries to. Maybe this is what John wanted to talk about. Elizabeth knows how hard Angie has worked to open up, accept her feelings without shutting them down…but to tell John…

_God, that must have been terrifying for her._

Somewhere, deeply hidden, Elizabeth had a glimmer of hope remaining that when John returns, he would choose her over Angie. Knowing that she's willing to risk her position as Atlantis' leader must have some weight, right? But now, she can feel that hope dwindling, being snuffed out by a whisper. Because no matter how many times she says "I love you" to John, it could never compare to the enormity of Angela Peterson saying those exact same words.

Laura scoffs, pulling Elizabeth's attention. "It's far more likely they pissed off the wrong local. You know how annoying McKay can be."

Angie accepts Laura's words with a small grin, but it doesn't touch her eyes. Elizabeth can see the fear in them. She catches Elizabeth watching her and gives a nod. "They'll be okay." She grasps Elizabeth's hand and squeezes slightly. "I know it."

Elizabeth takes comfort in Angie's strength…but that rock weighs heavily in her gut. Though, not as much as Angie's spoken feelings for John crush her already broken heart.

oOo

"It could take months," Lorne says of the planet search.

"We can't afford months, Major."

"And I know that too."

"Good." Elizabeth sighs as Lorne leaves her office. Angie is standing at the door and Lorne grasps her hand as he passes by, giving it a squeeze without looking at her.

Elizabeth wishes she could feel hostile toward the other woman. Find a reason to dislike her, it seems that would make everything much easier. If she could simply blame Angie, then losing John to her might not be so difficult. She could blame it on Angela's pheromones, or her amazing body or the gorgeous long, curly, black hair. Or the bedroom eyes.

But she can't. Elizabeth feels only adoration, friendship…possibly even love for the other woman.

She looks so young right now, wounded, huddling next to the door frame, her eyes wide and pleading. Not for the first time, Elizabeth wonders how old Angie really is. Only Jack and Angela know for certain and neither is willing to spill the secret. Especially Angie.

Elizabeth doubts that even John knows.

She motions for Angie to come inside. Moving slowly, as if unsure of how her legs work, she takes the chair opposite Elizabeth's and rests her fingers on the edge of the desk. Her thumbs battle with each other. She's full of nervous energy, which won't help her keep on the weight she's gained over the last couple of months since her ordeal with Kolya. According to Carson, she still needs more insulation and has requested a number of snack items from Earth, primarily junk food for one person in particular.

"How are you doing?" Elizabeth asks.

Angie bites her bottom lip then blows out a long breath, leaning back into the chair and drumming her hands on her thighs. "I think everyone's expecting me to go postal."

Elizabeth narrows her gaze, trying to keep her tone light as she assesses Angie's state of mind. "Are you?"

Angela chuckles easily and holds up both hands, showing they're empty. "Not yet." The levity drops instantly as does her gaze. She picks at an unseen cuticle. "I must be masochistic." She meets Elizabeth's eyes. "Getting involved with him? It's crazy for someone like me."

"Someone like you?"

Her brows shoot up. "Unstable."

Elizabeth shakes her head. "You're not unstable, Angie."

"How 'bout unpredictably volatile."

"That's another term for unstable."

"Sounds prettier though."

Elizabeth grins. She could never find a reason to dislike this woman. She's too precious for words. _I could try hating her for being too sweet, witty and self-sacrificing. Now who's masochistic? _"I'm sure he's fine. They both…all are." Elizabeth doesn't want to leave Teyla and Rodney out of the equation, even though she knows Angie's priorities are John and Ronon.

"Me too." She grins broadly. "Teyla will save their collectively lost asses."

Elizabeth matches her smile. "You think so?"

She nods. "Absolutely." Her right brow arches. "_She'll_ ask for directions." They giggle together. It tapers off into a moment of hard silence as they think about their missing friends. "Beth?"

Elizabeth catches her with her gaze down again, attacking those fingernails. "Yes?"

"Would you mind if I just…" Her big eyes lift to meet Elizabeth's. "Sit with you for a while?" Angie asks in the softest possible voice, her eyes childlike in their pleading.

"I'd like that."


	6. Chapter 6

6

It's been three days without news. Well, there's been news, just not any good. Ten of the planets on Dr. Zelenka's list have been scratched off. Elizabeth and Angie have spent much of the time together. It's strange that the one person who's been able to help her cope is the one woman vying against her for John's affections.

Though, for Angie, there is no competition. She believes that together they can make him happy. And she's willing to sacrifice part of her hold on him just to keep him.

_That's where we are different. I want all of him for myself._

Elizabeth doesn't revel in her selfishness. She's determined not to let Angie know it even exists. As strong as Angela appears on the outside, it merely takes one look into her eyes to see how delicate she truly is. She gives of herself without even knowing it. All the fear she has about losing John and Ronon, she's keeping it inside. She's been doing her best to help ease Elizabeth's worry, without allowing her own to become a burden.

They've spent several hours together, eating, playing cards or chess—though Elizabeth swears Angie's been taking it easy on her—or simply talking about inconsequential things, like TV shows and movies.

Angie's hoping that when John returns, Elizabeth will give him some time off so the two of them can visit I-zoola and Angie can get back into her skates. To keep the young woman's outlook positive, Elizabeth agrees.

Right now, she's asleep on the sofa while Elizabeth finishes recording the data burst that's being sent to the SGC. "…we believe we can streamline our power consumption a further 30." After a pause she adds: "Also at the time of this transmission, Colonel Sheppard's team is still missing and is…is presumed…" She can't bring herself to say it. "Colonel Sheppard's team is still missing. End transmission." She drops the recorder and it clinks on her desk.

Angie wakes with a start. "What?"

"Sorry."

She rubs a hand over her face. "How long have I been out?"

"Couple hours."

She smirks. "Comfy sofa."

"Sure is."

She sits up and rests her elbows on her knees. "I was having the strangest dream."

Elizabeth would love a distraction. "About what?"

Her brows cinch and her lips twitch with amusement. "A Ferris Wheel rollercoaster…and clowns in a VW bug."

"Clowns?"

Angie nods, her smile growing. "Hundreds of them." She holds up a finger. "In one Bug." She shakes her head giving a soft laugh. "It made perfect sense at the time."

Elizabeth grins too. "I'm sure it did."

She's quiet, contemplating a piece of lint on her jeans. "We'd know, don't you think?" She looks up at Elizabeth. "I mean. I know Ronon's okay. I do. But…if something happened to John… we'd know. You and me. Together?"

Elizabeth holds Angie's gaze without blinking. "Yes. We'd know." That seems to ease her a bit and she sighs a smile but her face is a bit pale. Elizabeth considers her for a moment. "Are you hungry?"

"No. But that probably means I should eat. Unless I want to be under Doc's lock and key again."

They head out together and are almost to the transporter when the gate alarms go off. They share a look and race back to the Control Room. Elizabeth reaches the gate tech. "It's a message from Major Lorne, ma'am."

"Go ahead Major," Elizabeth says to the video screen. She can feel Angie close behind her.

"Ma'am, we've found Colonel Sheppard."

Elizabeth and Angela share an excited smile. "I'd like to speak with him."

"Negative, ma'am. He's unconscious. And I'd rather not move him without Dr. Beckett's approval."

Behind her, Angela sucks in a deep breath. Elizabeth nods to Lorne. "He'll be with you shortly. Weir out." The wormhole dies as Elizabeth calls Carson on the headset. She glances at Angie, seeing relief combined with worry. The nervous energy has returned, leaving her bouncing on her heels and wringing her hands together. "I'm sure Carson could use an extra set of hands."

Angie beams at her. "Thanks." Then she rushes down the stairs to wait for Carson and his team.

Elizabeth clasps her hands together and brings them to her lips in a silent prayer. John's alive…but injured. Please let him be all right.

oOo

They return less than twenty minutes later. Angie arrives just before the gurney is pushed through by Carson and his med-tech. Even from the balcony, Elizabeth can see Angela's eyes glimmering with unshed tears. She looks up at Elizabeth and grins, flicking a two fingered salute.

"Let's go," Carson says as he pushes the gurney toward the infirmary.

Elizabeth is already on the move down the stairs to catch up. Angie hangs back, still bouncing full of energy. She grips Elizabeth's arm with more strength than expected. "Carson says he's suffering from exposure, but otherwise he seems fine."

"Why is he unconscious?"

Angela shakes her head. "He has to run an X-ray and MRI. Look for possible trauma."

"No sign of the others?" She asks Lorne.

"No ma'am."

Angie's gaze captures Elizabeth's again. "But that doesn't mean they're not all right. Right? They just could be on another planet. Maybe John got away from whoever took them and gated to the first address he could remember."

"Why not come home?"

"No GDO ma'am. He'd been stripped of gear."

Angie's ready to burst out of her skin. "Go. Have Carson radio me with an update." Elizabeth says and the young woman rushes off toward the infirmary.

oOo

When Elizabeth walks into the infirmary an hour later following Lorne's debriefing, she sees Angie sitting vigil next to John's bed, his left hand sandwiched between both of hers. She nods to Elizabeth, offering a smile that's diminished by the concern in her eyes.

John's still unconscious, now dressed in white scrubs. He's attached to all the necessary monitors that beep in steady rhythms.

Carson comes up to Elizabeth. "He's stable. Breathing on his own."

"Why hasn't he awaken?"

The doctor shakes his head and crosses his arms. "Don't know. There's no indication of head trauma, his blood work is normal."

"And the exposure?"

"Minimal. The planet's climate was fair. Doesn't seem he was out there too long. Perhaps half a day, if that."

"Could he have been drugged? Something that wouldn't show up in the tests?"

"Anything's possible out here."

Elizabeth thanks him. "Let me know if there are any changes."

"Aye."

She goes to Angie's side and sets a hand on her shoulder. "Want me to get you anything?"

"Aye," Carson calls from his office. "She needs to eat. Take her to the commissary."

"I'm not hungry!"

That brings Carson back out in full force, wagging a finger at her. "I still have those restraints you're so fond of, lass. You are still under doctor's orders thanks to that new brain chemistry and wacky metabolism of yours. Don't make me get rough."

Angie rolls her eyes and puffs some air at her bangs.

Obviously the two of them have been having this debate for a while. Elizabeth suggests a compromise. "I'll have some food sent up. Sandwiches?"

"Tuna?"

"Sounds good. Carson, you want anything?"

"No, thank you."

Angie glares at him. "Ha! When was the last time you ate anything?"

Carson presses his lips together tight. "Fine. Yes, Dr. Weir. I would appreciate a sandwich as well."

"Okay then." Elizabeth gives Angela's shoulder a squeeze. "Talk to him. He'll wake up for you."

"Thank you," she sighs, turning her attention back to John's sleeping form.

Before she leaves, Elizabeth takes one last look at the couple, marveling at the fateful circumstances. Not long ago, she'd said the exact same thing to John when Angie was still on the ventilator after almost dying in surgery. At the time even Carson was unsure if she'd make it.

But she had. And Elizabeth thoroughly believes it was Angie's love for John and Ronon that kept her strong, pulled her back from the brink.

She'll do the same for him.

oOo

"What did you tell her," the familiar voice asks. He lifts his gaze and sees Ford glaring at him. He's dressed in rags instead of his uniform, though he still has on his dog tags.

Warm pressure in his right hand draws his attention from Ford to Elizabeth. She's standing next to him, smiling. "Welcome home." She leans in to kiss him and John closes his eyes in anticipation. He doesn't feel her lips on his so he opens his eyes and is instantly blinded by white lights.

Infirmary lights.

His eyes can't handle the glare and he blinks repeatedly as they wobble in his head. There's a flash of color to his right and he locks onto it. Red. Something red is above him. Blinking heavily, John forces his brain to focus and Elizabeth's shirt comes into view. He raises his eyes toward her face. She's smiling down at him.

"Hi there."

"Hey." His voice feels raspy and dry. He tries to sit up, but she puts a finger to her lips and motions to the pile of dark, curly hair resting on the other side of the bed next to his legs. He can feel the warmth of soft hands cradling his left.

"How are you feeling?" she whispers.

"Fine, actually. What happened?"

Elizabeth's brows arch. "Hoping you could tell us. Where are Rodney, Teyla and--"

"They aren't here?"

"No."

There's movement on his left and the most beautiful brown eyes gaze at him and a brilliant smile lights up her face. She's amazing when she smiles. John smiles back. Before he can say a word, her soft lips are on his and she's kissing him like there's no tomorrow.

_Now that's something to wake up for!_

She pulls out of the kiss, her eyes narrowing on him before darting them to Elizabeth. "Sorry." She smiles at John again. "Kinda got overcome seeing your beautiful face finally awake." She caresses his cheek. "I know this is just your way of getting even with me for making you wait for the ribs to heal, but this is ridiculous. It's not a competition. Besides, I already paid you back for all that wait time," she grins wickedly. "With interest."

John's brows rise on his forehead. "Who are you?"

She laughs. "That's not funny." She exchanges a smile with Elizabeth then both look back at him.

He slides his gaze to Elizabeth. She must read the confusion in his eyes because her smile wavers. "John…stop playing. She's right. It's not funny."

"But," he looks back at the dark-haired beauty. "I'm not."

The color drains from her pretty face as the smile trembles then dies on her lips. Confusion flashes through her eyes as her mouth hangs open. There's so much pain in her expression, so much heartbreak, John's flooded with guilt. Her hands slip from his as she slides off the stool, but her legs don't seem to hold her and she leans heavily on the bed.

Elizabeth's moving around the bed, but the woman is already stumbling backward, her hand fluttering to her mouth, cutting off what sounds like a sob. She looks like she's just been kicked in the gut.

And he did the kicking. "I'm sorry--" John tosses his covers aside to get up.

Carson comes up behind. "Are you all right lass?"

"Carson," Elizabeth says, shaking her head slightly.

Before either doctor can stop her, the young woman spins out of Carson's grasp and rushes out the door. John's never seen so much misery on someone's face…and been the cause of it.

"What in the bloody hell just happened to that girl?"

John looks to Elizabeth, feeling his face heat up with embarrassment and that overwhelming guilt. "I did something wrong…didn't I."

"No, John." She looks to Carson. "It seems he's suffering some memory loss."

"Oh dear Lord." He looks at the closing door. "Someone needs to go after her."

"I'll find her," Elizabeth says, giving John's shoulder a squeeze. "It'll be all right." Then she's gone.

Carson flashes his penlight in John's eyes. "So, do you remember me, son."

"Sure Carson. You, Elizabeth, Teyla, Rodney…"

"But not Angela?" John shakes his head. "How 'bout the name Jax. Does that ring any bells?" John shakes his head again. Carson sighs. "Well for your sake, I certainly hope your memory returns before Ronon does…or he's going to kill you."

John's brows cinch. "Who?"


	7. Chapter 7

7

A couple hours later, with the help of the life-signs detector, Elizabeth finds Angela in the East Pier gym beating the crap out of the heavy bag to some loud rock music. She ponders the familiar sound for a moment, recognizing Nirvana. Elizabeth pauses at the door and watches as the woman gets out her frustrations with amazing speed, agility and power for someone she would consider petite.

No wonder she surprised the shit out of Kolya.

"Dr. Heightmeyer would like to talk with you," Elizabeth yells over the music. Angie takes a step back from the bag, spins and kicks it hard. "She wants to make sure you're all right, Angie!"

"I'm fine. I'm better than fine. I'm fucking fantastic!"

Elizabeth steps into the room. "Look, Dr. Beckett's running more tests…" she yells again. "He will--" the music shuts off suddenly, leaving only the deafening silence behind. "--get his memory back."

Angie attacks the wrist tie of her right glove with her teeth. "Won't matter," she says, breathing hard.

"What do you mean?"

She shakes the glove free and it drops to the floor then unties the left. She smirks at Elizabeth. "That's not Johnny."

"What?"

Angie closes the distance between them. She's drenched with sweat, her body practically steaming, her eyes wild with adrenaline. "That's. Not. John."

oOo

"Like bloody hell it isn't!" Carson says. "DNA doesn't lie." Elizabeth and Carson are in his office with the door closed so that John can get some rest.

"I'm only telling you what she said, Carson. Not that I believe it."

"Well, it's the silliest damn thing I've ever heard. Not Colonel Sheppard. I've got all the tests results, it's him. Besides, just look at the lad. I'd know that cocky grin anywhere."

Elizabeth drops her eyes, trying not to smile. Carson can be very amusing when he's upset. "I know. I just wanted to let you know where her head is right now."

"I'll tell you where it is. In Denial Land." He shakes his head. "Not that I'm blaming the poor lass. After what Kolya put her through." Crossing his arms, Carson looks at her with raised brows and takes a deep breath. "Please tell me you sent her to talk with Kate."

"Yes. But that doesn't mean she's going to change her mind."

Carson nods. "It's her way of coping with something she has no control over. We all know she tends to go to extremes in that regard."

"And what about John? I mean, this is only temporary--"

"I can't explain it, Elizabeth. There are no signs of trauma, no skull fracture, not even a bruise or a cut on his body. And I've run the blood work. If he's been given some sort of drug, I can't detect it."

"And there's nothing else you can do?"

Carson shakes his head. "Well, I haven't run the brain scan yet. The bloody thing stopped working two weeks ago and Dr. Morgan finally found the problem. A burned out crystal of all things. Too many visitors to the infirmary, I suppose."

"What would the scan show you that the X-ray or MRI couldn't?"

"It's far superior to our technology. Has the human brain mapped out and can determine any number of anomalies that a regular PT or MRI miss. Aside from that, the most recent data is stored internally, if it's a match the computer will tell me."

Elizabeth nods. "All right. When can you run it?"

"I'd prefer letting the man sleep a while."

"Is that wise, Carson?"

"Elizabeth--"

"I'm not questioning your skills. But if there was something done to him, isn't time our biggest variable to helping him?"

Carson pinches the bridge of his nose. Elizabeth can see how tired he is. "Yes. You're right. I'll have to wake up a couple of people. But we'll run the scan tonight."

"Thank you. Let me know when the results are in."

"Bring Angela with you."

"Really?"

"She's going to have to face it. Better to bombard her with the truth as soon as possible and deal with the fallout afterward."

Elizabeth nods, though she hates the idea of seeing Angie hurting any more. "All right then."

oOo

John's supposed to be resting, but he can't when he's straining so hard to eavesdrop on Elizabeth and Carson's conversation. He's keeping his eyes closed so the nurse doesn't suspect, but his neck is starting to get a kink in it from stretching awkwardly toward the door. He's only caught the occasional word or phrase, but he's guessing the gist of the confab is about the woman whose heart John trampled on earlier. Albeit, unintentionally.

He can't help but feel bad about that. Her dark eyes were so full of disbelief and loss. Suddenly, like a movie playing in his head, John sees her under a table in the infirmary. She's huddling, terrified and bloody. He's coaxing her out. He helps her stand up, getting a firm grip on her upper arms. She smiles, gazing into his eyes with so much innocent hope. "Ryan?" She cups his face with bloody hands. Her eyes go wide and her mouth opens as if to scream but nothing comes out.

John hears the door and opens his eyes. He catches sight of Elizabeth quietly leaving, thinking he's asleep and trying not to wake him. "Elizabeth."

She backtracks to his side. "You're supposed to be resting."

"Yeah, well. You know me."

Her lips twitch into a wry grin. "Yes. I do." Tilting her head, she studies him, resting a hand on his shoulder. Her touch sends a wonderful zing through him, letting him know he truly is home. "How are you? Anything coming back?"

"It's all jumbled up. Feelings mostly." He takes her hand in his. "But…I remember you."

"I know that."

"And desperately wanting to do this." John tugs on her arm, pulling her down so he can capture her lips with his. She doesn't pull away; instead she kisses him back, eagerly, without hesitation. Wrapping his arms around her neck, John manages to urge her closer. She relaxes against his chest, melting into him as she sighs and avails herself for a deeper kiss.

A throat clears nearby and they separate, seeing Carson trying not to look at them. "Would you still prefer the scan tonight, Dr. Weir?"

Elizabeth pulls out of John's grasp and stands besides his bed with her back to him. "Of course--" She lets out a squeak as John runs his hand over her butt then pinches it.

"Ah huh," Carson nods, his brows nearly to his hairline.

oOo

Early the next morning, John's lacing up his boots as Elizabeth arrives in the infirmary. The young woman from the other day—what did Carson call her?—follows with her head held high, and a steely glare for John. So much for a broken heart, she looks ready to kill.

"Thank you for joining us ladies," Carson motions for them to come around to a table where he set up his laptop. "I've run all the tests twice to make absolutely sure. They've all come back conclusive. He is John Sheppard."

"That's not possible!" She turns her dark gaze on John. "He's an imposter. I'm telling you." She looks back at Carson. "Why won't you believe me? Of all people, I _know_ John Sheppard."

Elizabeth rests a hand on the other woman's shoulder. "So do I."

She lets out a shuddering breath. "W..wha…what are you saying, Beth?" She takes a step back, away from Elizabeth's reach. Her brows cinch tight. "You don't believe me either? Are you saying I'm lying?"

"No. I just think…you're a little confused."

She laughs bitterly. "Ohhhh. Confused is it?" She nods repeated, biting her bottom lip. "Why not delusional…or postal?"

"Love, it's not your fault," Carson offers.

She runs a shaking hand through her curly mane. Her eyes dance over the three of them, landing on John. Once again he sees intense grief, betrayal even. She's not as sure of her claim as she sounds. "I see." She takes another step back, within a moment she'll be at the threshold of the door unless someone stops her. She wags a finger between Carson and Elizabeth. "You're wrong." She points at John. "That. Is _not_ my John Sheppard." The door slides open behind her. "He could never be this cruel." Then she turns and stomps out.

Elizabeth is about to go after her, but John's ready to take this one. "Let me."

"Are you sure?"

He nods as he slides off the bed. "Maybe I'm the only one who can help her understand."

"John?"

"Yeah."

She takes a deep breath. "You don't remember—obviously—but she can be," Elizabeth winces as she says this, "unpredictably volatile."

John's brows shoot up. Something about that rings true for him. He gets a flash of her in the infirmary, tackling him to the floor. "I'll keep that in mind."

Elizabeth raises her brows. "I think it's what you like…liked most about her."

John drops his gaze from Elizabeth wounded stare. He goes out into the corridor, seeing her about two hundred feet away, leaning against the wall for support, her head down. For a split second, as he approaches, he actually thinks he's seeing Elizabeth then the thought vanishes. It looks like she's hyperventilating and reaches for her, but she spins on him, twisting his arm and slamming him face first against the wall, his arm behind his back.

"Hey!"

"I never said you could touch me," she growls.

_Unpredictably volatile my ass. This chick's nuts!_ "Look--"

Though hostile, her husky voice is eerily calm as she talks. "I don't know what kind of mind fuck you're trying to play here. But I'm on to you mister." She leans in close to his neck, she sniff. "You may have them fooled, but not me."

"I think you need some help."

She releases him, laughing bitterly again. John rolls his shoulder, testing his arm as he turns around. She glowers, shakes her head, still laughing as she turns away.

John gets a flash of memory; this woman, happy, laughing in another room…the 'TV' room. "Wait." He reaches for her to tell her but as soon as his hand hits her shoulder, she spins, slamming a solid left hook into his jaw.

"I warned you." She hits him again, sending him reeling into the wall.

The first two caught him off-guard, but now he's ready for her. The next throw is a right upper cut to his stomach and he blocks it easily enough. Though he must give her props, she's very spry for her size and packs a hell of a punch.

She spins, kicking at him. He catches her ankle and gives her a shove. Her shoulder smacks the floor but gets up quickly enough to jump at him. They're fighting hand-to-hand basically, though John's trying to keep from attacking her. He simply wants to wear her out so they can talk.

It's when she starts fighting dirty that he gets pissed. He nearly misses the foot as it comes up to catch him in the groin. Luckily, he turns a little and it only nails his thigh. That's when he punches her in the side and she cries out, nearly collapsing in a heap.

Grabbing her by the shoulders, he spins her and slams her back against the wall, not too hard, but enough to knock the wind out of her. Gripping and holding her wrists at head level, John presses himself against her. Only to get another, rather stimulating flash. This time of this beauty very naked and up against a different wall, smiling slyly at him.

Well, she's not smiling now. "I killed Kolya, you think I can't take you out?"

"Kolya's dead?"

She head butts him and he stumbles back clutching his nose. _Shit!_ It's not bleeding but, damn, that hurt like hell!

"See. Johnny would never forget that moment."

"Johnny?" he balks, still holding his nose. "No wonder I forgot you!" The moment he says it, he knows it's wrong. It cuts her deep and he can see agony replace the anger in her eyes. Something like that should only sting if she knows he's telling the truth about who he is. He reaches for her again. "Look, I'm sorry."

_When will I learn?_ She grabs his arm and flips him onto his back with a thud knocking his breath right out. After his head stops ringing, he feels her boot pressed dangerously against his throat.

"Angela!" Elizabeth shouts. John can see her from the corner of his eyes standing in the infirmary door with a shocked Carson's right beside her.

"Hey guys," he chokes. He wonders how long they've been standing there. Did they see the whole scuffle and figure it'd be best to let them fight out their differences? Maybe they had a small wager on who'd win. John watches as she glances over at Elizabeth then back down at him. All the anger seems to melt away, or is pushed by the appearance of an audience. Either way, he's grateful for the reprieve.

"Just tell me where he is and I won't hurt you." Her voice cracks. "Just give him back to me."

John shoves her foot away from his throat, sits up and scoots back until he hits the wall. Catching his breath, he shakes his head, staring at her. "I am John Sheppard. I'm sorry if you don't believe me. I can't help that."

She drops on all fours in front of him, sudden tears dripping from her enormous brown eyes. Eyes like a child, full of innocence and dreams. She searches his face, stares into him as if searching his soul. "I'll beg if you want me to," she whispers. He can feel how desperate she is. See the anguish in her face. But he can also see that part of her knows the truth, she just doesn't want to believe it.

John shakes his head again, guilt eating away at him. "I am truly sorry…"

"Angie," she whispers, realizing he doesn't know her name. There's a moment of hope in her eyes, hope that he will recognize the name, all will come back to him and her nightmare will end.

John's horrified that he's doing this to her, hurting her so terribly, but he has no choice. He doesn't know this woman. That spark of hope dies as she watches him. Her eyes cloud over and when she closes them, tears slip silently down her cheeks. Biting her top lip, she nods then hangs her head.

Elizabeth and Carson come up behind her. "Angela."

"C'mon lass." They help the young woman to her feet. She winces, clutching her side. "Your ribs," Carson starts. "Let me check--"

"I'm fine." Angie shakes free of them and backs away, swiping the tears from her cheeks as if they're bugs.

"No, love, you're not." He turns to John. "Did you hit her ribs? Their still tender."

"I…didn't know…" John's searching Elizabeth for understanding, but all he sees is more pain. For Angie. Obviously the two are close. But that doesn't make any sense, especially after the way Elizabeth kissed him last night. He can still feel her in his arms. It's right. It's perfect.

_God, I'm so confused!_

"Bright side," Angie chuckles coldly. "At least I'm not catatonic." She gives two thumbs up and her deep voice is way to chipper to be truthful. "Goody for me." She rolls her shoulders back and holds her head high as she looks to Elizabeth. "Guess I shouldn't be surprised he remembers you."

"Angie--" Elizabeth reaches for her, trying to be comforting.

"No…" she raises both hands, backing away again and Elizabeth recoils as if scalded. Angie's eyes drift from Elizabeth to John then back. She swallows hard. "He's all yours now, Beth." She smiles weakly, her lips trembling. "Take care of him." Then she takes in a shuddering breath and runs away before Carson can get to her.

Elizabeth looks to them. Carson nods. "Go after her then," he says.

She taps her headset. "Dr. Heightmeyer, this is Weir." She rushes down the corridor.

Carson shakes his head as he reaches down to help up John. "You okay son? Think we need to check for broken bones?"

"Naw. Just my bruised ego." He grunts. "She didn't hurt anything vital." He's sore all over, though, from what she did do to him. "I get the impression she could have…if she wanted to."

"Aye, ya got that right." Carson pats his shoulder.

"Did she really kill Kolya?"

"Aye…and—forgive me for saying—he deserved it after what he did to her." Carson watches John carefully. "You truly don't remember the lass? You refused to leave her side once she got out of surgery." John shakes his head. "This is a sorry state of affairs. She's been through so much. And with Ronon missing still…"

"Ronon?"

"Big man…long hair…cheeky disposition. Except when it comes to Angela anyway."

John shakes his head again. "You never told me where Ford is."

Carson sighs. "Lt. Ford…?"


	8. Chapter 8

8

Elizabeth and Kate search the city for Angie only to find her in the last place they expect. Which tends to be par for the course when it came to Angela. She's unpredictable at best. Kate radioed Elizabeth with the news five minutes ago.

The door to Dr. Kate Heightmeyer's office slides open as Elizabeth waves her hand in front of the control crystals. Kate immediately rises from her chair and approaches, motioning for them to step out into the hallway to talk.

Elizabeth sees Angie sitting by the window, staring out at the city. As she's leaning against the sill, her cheek rests on the back of her bent arm. She's breathing and blinking, but otherwise not moving.

Kate steps to the other side of the corridor and Elizabeth follows. The moment she's away from the door, it slides shut. "How'd you find her?"

"She was here when I got back," Kate says softly. "I should have guessed ahead of time that she'd eventually make her way to my office. After Kolya…" Kate takes a breath and lets it out. "She's taken a greater interest in her therapy. I think she found a reserve of strength during that ordeal she never knew she had. It's been easier for her to open up and talk. Especially about her parents. She's come to think of the sessions in a more positive manner."

"How's she doing?"

"She's shut down right now."

"Catatonic?"

"No, no. Drained. Emotionally exhausted. She's been sitting there since I came in. Not a word or even a look."

"Then how do you--"

"She was crying silently, but crying nonetheless. That's a big deal for her. She stopped a few minutes ago. Just dried up." Kate crosses her arms. "She's reeling. Happy he's alive…but at the same time it's as if he's died and she's grieving."

"Do you think she'll backslide?"

"I honestly don't know. I haven't seen any sign of Jax returning. But when it comes to loss and denial, Angie's way up there on the score card." Elizabeth nods. She and Kate share a silent prayer that it doesn't happen. "I do know one thing," Kate adds. "We have to get Ronon back. I don't think she could survive losing him too."

"I know."

oOo

"Wow," John says after Carson finishes explaining what happened to Angela when she was taken prisoner by Kolya.

"Aye," Carson responds.

It's been over an hour since she nearly kicked the shit out of him and now he's grateful she held back. Somewhere deep down, even in her despair, she obviously didn't want to hurt him. John can understand her frustration. Her pain. He just wishes he wasn't the cause of it.

_I'll beg if you want me too…_ That plea alone could break someone's heart. Poor kid. And her feelings for him are so raw, so intense. Did he encourage her somehow? Neither Carson nor Elizabeth seemed shocked by Angela's obvious love for him. Were they dating? How did he get involved with someone so young and obviously damaged? It just doesn't seem likely.

John's about to ask more questions when the unscheduled gate activation alarm blares through the city jarring both men. The alarm goes silent a moment later. "Maybe I should check that out."

"I may have released you from the infirmary son, but you're far from being back on duty."

"Still--"

Carson touches his radio. "Aye. Dr. Weir. We'll be ready." He looks to John. "Emergency coming in."

Minutes later Elizabeth arrives with two guards carrying in an unconscious Rodney and they put him on a bed.

"He says he took the enzyme," Elizabeth says, out of breath. "A lot of it." Concern and confusion crease her lovely face and John needs to reassure her, but doesn't know what to say.

Rodney's drenched in sweat, his breathing erratic.

Carson and his staff get busy, ordering blood tests and scans. Elizabeth stands aside with John. "What's going on?" he asks.

Rodney wakes suddenly and seizes Carson's arm. "I have to get to the the shh-ship. I know what to do." He tries to get off the bed, the soldiers hold him down. Sweat pours from his face.

"Calm down, Rodney."

His bloodshot eyes are wild, something John would never associate with the snarky scientist. "No. You don't understand. I had to take out the guards. The gate. To get to the gate I had to take out the guards. Lot's of enzyme. Lots and lots. And I was _amazing_!"

"What's wrong with him? What's this enzyme?"

Rodney's eyes lock onto John. "You! You can't be here. I took out the guards. I did it. I hit and kicked. You can't be here!"

Carson orders the soldiers to keep Rodney as still as possible as he gets the wrist and ankle restraints in place.

"Carson what are you doing! I have to get the gate. Know where they went!"

"Let me help you, Rodney."

"You can't! Let me go. Elizabeth!" His eyes search her out. "Dial the gate. I have to get them."

Elizabeth approaches the bed, her voice calm, reassuring. "It's okay, Rodney. It's going to be fine."

"No. It's me. I'm fine. You!" He glares at John again. "You made this happen. You and you're brilliant plans…idiot! Just like Ford." Rodney's eyes roll back into his head and his body bounces off the bed.

"Convulsions," Carson calls, ordering some medication. After administering the drugs, Rodney drops onto the bed, deathly still. Carson glances over his shoulder at them. "This will take a while."

Elizabeth sighs as she looks from Carson to Rodney. "Keep me informed."

"Aye."

She heads for the door and John grasps her hand. "Care to explain?"

"Let's take a walk. See if we can jog your memory. Are you hungry?"

"Not really. Suppose that means I should eat something."

"Huh," Elizabeth huffs softly, going into the corridor.

John follows. "What?"

They walk toward the transporter. "You sound like Angie."

He makes a face. "Did you find her?"

"Yes. Dr. Heightmeyer's with her. It's not going to be easy."

"I'm sorry about all this. I know it's my fault--"

"No, it's not. You're not hurting her on purpose."

"I know, but she's been through so much." She raises a brow at him. John shrugs. "Carson filled me in on the whole Kolya thing. Poor kid. And who's this Ronon guy I'm supposed to be so afraid of?"

"Just Kolya?" Elizabeth shakes her head. "Wish he'd been a little more forthcoming. That's not even the tip of the iceberg that is Angie."

"There's more?"

"Oh, yeah. Like I said, we should talk." The transporter doors open and they step inside.

"You know, I'm not really into the whole crowded room, finger pointing show, right now."

Elizabeth nods. "Okay then." She presses the screen and they instantly arrive outside the commissary. "Wait here. I'll grab some sandwiches and we'll go back to your quarters. Maybe being in a personal space will help."

"Anything beats the infirmary."

Elizabeth disappears into the mess and John leans against the wall, shoving his hands in his pockets. He closes his eyes and instantly feels a sharp pain between his shoulder blades, dropping him to his knees and leaving him numb all over. If he didn't know better, he'd swear someone just shot him with a wraith stunner. The numbness subsides almost instantly, leaving an unpleasant tingle in his extremities.

"Colonel?" John opens his eyes, seeing a slim hand in front of his face, fingers wiggling. Taking the hand, he's helped to his feet by a young, female soldier. She has bright red hair and blue eyes. "Are you all right, sir?"

John straightens. "Did you just call me Colonel?"

Her brows shoot up. "That is your rank, sir. Lt. Colonel."

"Oh…right. And you are?"

"Lt. Cadman, sir." She looks him over. "So it's true. The memory wipe."

"I see the rumor mill is in full swing."

"Yes sir." She hangs her head then looks up at him from under her brows. "I stopped in to see Angie."

"I hear she's not doing so well."

She takes a deep breath. "Permission to speak freely, sir."

"Go ahead."

Cadman narrows her gaze and her brows crease. "How well do you expect her to be? The love of her life has forgotten she exists."

"The love of…oh…" John's brows shoot off his forehead. "So we were--"

"Are together, Colonel. For nearly six months now."

"Wow," he says to himself. Six months! In the past five years, his longest relationship back on Earth barely registered at the six week mark. "Crap." John sneers. "I figured we'd dated… but… six months. Really?"

She raises her brows. "Hot and heavy. Not looking to cool down anytime soon either, considering."

John shakes his head. "Considering…?"

"Well…the whole pheromone thing notwithstanding you did just buy--"

"Lt. Cadman," Elizabeth smiles politely as she comes out of the mess carrying an overloaded tray. John takes the tray from her.

"Dr. Weir," Cadman nods, giving her own smile. "How's Dr. McKay?"

She clasps her hands in front of her. "It's touch and go. Carson's working on him."

Cadman smiled broadly. "Then he's in the best of hands."

"Yes, he is."

Cadman excuses herself and goes into the mess, leaving them alone. John lifts the tray. "Guess you're the hungry one."

"Starving." She motions with at the transporter. "Shall we go?"

Since his hands are full, Elizabeth hits the map on the wall. "That's the wrong way."

They're moved in an instant and the doors part. Elizabeth steps out first. "Actually it's not."

"But--"

She leads the way toward the third closed door on the left and takes the tray from John so he can swipe his hand over the control crystal. The doors open and he sees a rather large room with its own bath. His Johnny Cash poster is on the wall, his surf board in the corner along with his guitar—the one he never figured out how to play.

John takes a deep breath and lets it out as he steps inside, runs his hand through his hair then rubs his neck. "I can't tell you how weird this all is." Elizabeth's watching him with narrowed eyes. "What?"

She shakes her head. "Nothing. It's just…" She chuckles slightly. "There something familiar about this."

"You mean the room?"

"No." She shakes her head again. "Never mind." She sets the tray on the desk then turns the chair out to face the bed. John prods her in the lower back with his hand. "You take the bed, it'll be more comfortable, I'm sure."

"Okay." Elizabeth sits in the center of the bed with the pillows to her right, facing John. She casually curls one leg in front of her, letting the other hang off the side of the bed, her knee close enough to touch his.

John hands her a sandwich and drink as he takes his own. She eats ravenously, downing half the sandwich in a few bites, making him smile. Something about her eating this way is very amusing. Mostly because he does recall having to prod her repeatedly to have a good meal.

John, on the other hand, picks at his sandwich, sniffs it then takes a bite. It's not bad, but it's not turkey either.

Elizabeth starts from the beginning, explaining the whole Angela/Jax saga as she eats. John gets the feeling she's leaving some things out, but he understands the gist of the story. And the woman.

"So what if I don't get my memory back?"

Not looking at him, she rolls the sandwich wrapper into a ball and tosses it onto the tray. "I'm sure you will. It's only a matter of time."

"What if I don't want to remember?"

Elizabeth swallows hard. "What do you mean?"

"I don't mean everything…just…what if there's one or two things I prefer not to remember."

She plops the last bit of sandwich in her mouth as her eyes widen in shock. "Like what?"

John eats a bit, nodding his head side-to-side. After swallowing he says, "Who."

Elizabeth's brows shoot up as she sips her drink. "What?"

John shrugs. "I don't want to sound harsh or anything. But...I don't remember how I'm supposed to feel about Angie." He looks into Elizabeth's eyes. "And I do remember how I'm _not_ supposed to feel about you." John runs his hand over her knee. "But I can't help it."

"John…"

"You kissed me back, Elizabeth. In the infirmary."

She drops her gaze, swiping crumbs off her pant leg. "I know. It was wrong. I'm sorry."

John tosses his sandwich onto the tray and rests his elbows on his knees. "Why? Aren't we… haven't we…?" Her eyes flick to his then away again and he knows it's true. "How long?"

"Off and on for a few weeks." She rolls her head a bit. "More off than on."

"So I'm a two-timer? That's something I'd rather not remember."

Elizabeth shakes her head. "It's not…" she sighs. "We made this deal. The three of us. Angela's idea actually."

"Excuse me?"

Elizabeth explains about the sharing and how it came about. John's shocked into silence as he listens and tries to process the information. "She suggested it."

"Terrified of losing you…to me."

John takes her drink and sets it on the tray, then brings her hand to his lips. "Justifiable, I'd say." Elizabeth pulls her hand free, again refusing to meet his eyes and he understands. "You were ending it." He shakes his head in disbelief. "You were ending us. Giving up."

She buries her face in her hands then runs them up through her hair. "It wasn't just me." Finally, she catches his gaze. "Before you left on this last mission, you clearly made a choice. I should have seen it from the start. Hell I did see it. I just didn't want to believe it."

"You think I chose Angie?"

"I know you did."

John slides off the chair. His hands land on either side of her legs and he hovers in front of her. "Then why am I here with you." And then he's kissing her. Pulling her bent leg straight, John gets her prone, pressing her into the bed with his body.

Elizabeth moans against his lips and that only manages to stir his desire for her. His hands investigate her sides, fingers slipping under the hem of her shirt to her flat stomach, up over her ribs to her breasts. She's wearing a sexy bra; he can feel the lace with his fingertips.

She moans again and he deepens the kiss as he brushes his thumbs over her taught nipples. Her arms go about his neck and she pulls herself up to meet him. "John," she sighs. "We can't…" and yet she's kissing him back with unwavering passion. Her tongue slips against his, her teeth nip at his lips, teasing him.

Breaking from her sensuous mouth, he kisses his way down her neck as he pushes her top up to it. He was right about the bra, light blue lace, very feminine. Instantly he's turned on by the sight of her darkened nipples straining against the delicate material.

He has to taste her. He pushes the bra up and her breasts burst free, he catches one with his mouth the other with his hand and she moans deep in her throat.

"John…" it comes out as barely a whisper. "The door's unlocked…"

John looks up, seeing the door slide open and three Wraiths step inside. He's on his feet instantly, reaching for his side arm…but not finding it.

He looks down at his leg then back up…and the Wraith are gone. The door's closed.

Elizabeth's sitting up on her elbows. "What? What is it?"

John stares at the door, his brows cinching tight. No, it wasn't this door he saw. It was a cell door. On a hive ship.

"A Wraith ship."

"What?" She's re-adjusting her clothes.

"Ford, Teyla…a big guy with dreadlocks."

"Ronon."

"They're on a Wraith hive ship."

"How do you know?"

John shakes his head. "I feel like…" he looks down at her, seeing confusion that must mirror his own. "Like I was with them."

"Maybe you were. Maybe that's what happened. And you got away."

John grabs his head and pounds his fists against it. "Why can't I remember!"

Elizabeth's up and wrapping a comforting arm around him. "Shh. It's all right."

He brushes her off. With a shove from his foot, the chair skids across the floor and hits the wall. "No. It's not. I have to help them." He follows the chair then turns and paces towards the bathroom. He spins again, looking sharply at Elizabeth. "I left them!"

She moves around the bed, getting closer to him, keeping her voice soft, supportive. "I'm sure you had your reasons."

"How can you say that? We don't leave our people behind!"

"If you did it to save them--"

"Then I've done a hell of a half-assed job at that, haven't I!"

"John," she reaches for him. "Calm down. It'll come to you."

"I don't need to calm down. What I need to do is remember."

"Maybe you should talk to Dr. Heightmeyer."

"Yeah, 'cause I'm going all kinds of crazy like your friend Angela."

"I didn't say that."

"I see it in your eyes."

She plants her hands on her hips. "The hell you do!"

"I have to save them. I'm not about to give up like…" he glares at her.

Elizabeth's eyes narrow as her mouth drops open. "What? Like me?" Her brows arch defiantly. She steps into his space. "If you think I've given up on my people--"

"Not them!"

She raises her head, his true meaning sinking in. "Oh. I see. This is about us."

"I didn't say that."

Elizabeth just stares at him with that unmistakable gleam in her eyes that says: Fuck you.

"But you did. Didn't you," he sneers. "How the hell could you agree to such a stupid deal as to share me with some…with her!" He points at the door as if Angie is standing right there.

Elizabeth takes a step closer. "It's not like you gave me much choice, Sheppard."

"You could have fought--"

"You?" She laughs coldly. "Or were you hoping for an all out catfight to ensue in the middle of the city?" She huffs. "Not my style." She shakes her head, her eyes never leaving his. "It's you who made this impossible, John. Two women. We both fell in-love with you so completely, so desperately and what'd you do? You encouraged it. Both of us. You even came to me asking for my help to choose between us." She laughs again, turning away from him.

John grabs her arm and pulls her back to face him. "And you made me choose her."

"I didn't make you do a damn thing, Colonel." Yanking her arm free, she sneers at him. "Now, you need to get a grip on yourself. Calm down and relax. That's an order."

Grabbing her fast, John spins her and shoves her against the wall, making her gasp. She's speechless and wide-eyed. He kisses her hard, bruising her lips. She tears out of the kiss. "What the hell are you doing?"

He grabs her wrists and hauls them over her head then captures them with one hand. His free hand dips into her pants, finding her hotspot immediately. "I'm relaxing," he grunts, covering her mouth with his again, forcing her to open to his probing tongue.

Elizabeth struggles against him, but he's got her pinned with his body and the wiggling only makes him harder. This time he breaks the kiss to attack her neck, biting and sucking. "Not like this," she gasps.

John rubs his fingers against her and he can feel her get wet at his touch. "Not like what, Liz?" Her eyes are closed and she's biting her lip, breathing hard through her nose. "Not like…this?" He slips his fingers deep inside her, driving them in and out quickly, roughly. He kisses her hard again, this time biting her lip, not too hard, but enough to make her whimper.

"John, please."

"Please what?" He pulls his hand from her pants only to undo the top button and unzip them. "Is it only beautiful love-making, Elizabeth? Sweet and easy."

"No…but--"

Again, he slips his hand under the lace panties that match her bra. He finds her button again and rubs it hard, pinching it. Her breath catches and her hips writhe against his touch. "But what?" He presses his mouth to her ear and whisper hungrily. "Have you ever had someone fuck your brains out, Liz?"

"No," she gasps.

He pulls back, watching at her. "Want me to?"

Panting, she opens her eyes and stares at him a long moment. "Yes," she says in a throaty whisper.

John smiles as he releases her wrists. He grips the side of her panties and yanks them apart. He kisses her hard again as he shoves her pants down, then tears the other side of the underwear and whips them free of her legs.

"Those were expensive," she hisses.

"Bite me."

"Fine." So she does. Grasping the back of his head, she pulls his mouth to hers again and sinks her teeth into his bottom lip. John groans at the pain but doesn't pull away. He shoves his tongue into her mouth, devouring her.

Abruptly breaking the battle of the tongues and leaving them both gasping for breath, John turns her around. He grabs her hands and presses them flat against the wall then reaches under her shirt and unfastens the bra, only to let it dangle as he captures her breasts in his hands and squeezes, pinching her nipples. She shudders as his mouth finds her neck and he sucks with callous disregard for marks he's probably leaving.

Abandoning her flesh, John undoes his pants and releases his rigid hard-on. He presses himself into Elizabeth, rewarded with a moan. He rubs himself against her, between her legs, growing hotter with every motion until he can't take it any longer.

With his hands slipping between her and the wall, John glides his fingers down, finds her ready. He pushes her legs apart with his knee and jams into her hard over and over again. He pulls her shirt free, followed by the bra. Then his hands return to her breasts as his mouth finds a new spot on her neck to eat at.

He bangs into her, grinding mercilessly as she pants and whimpers. His knuckles scrape the wall with every thrust. "This is what you wanted," he growls. "Isn't it."

"It's what _you_ wanted," she bites back.

John pulls out and she gasps at the sudden stop. He twists her around to face him. "But you'd be sorry if I didn't finish."

She glares at him, but there's passion burning in her gaze. "Yes."

He stares hard at her. "What do you want me to do, Liz?"

"Just shut up and fuck me, John."

He plants her against the wall again, this time facing him, lifts her easily and slams into her again. Her ankles are trapped by her pants so she can only grip him with her knees, but she does so with a strength that surprises him. She drives her hands under his shirt until she gets it over his head. Then her taught nipples are rubbing against his chest, sending waves of heat straight to his groin, and he gets even harder than before. Throbbing as he plunges inside her.

He reaches down and yanks off her boots and pants, then pulls her legs around his waist. His mouth again finds her breasts and he's not gentle as he takes them in with relish. She squirms and groans, her nails scratching up and down his back.

He stops again. Dropping her to her feet.

"What now!"

John just grunts as he shoves her at the bed and she lands on hands and knees. He kicks off his boots and strips his pants with ease. He grabs her hips, raising her ass high and drives into her once more. He can't believe it's ever been this difficult for him to get satisfied. He just can't get enough of her.

_So who's fucking who's brains out?_

John swivels his hips, grinding inside her. She groans as he hits the right spot. Her arms tremble with fatigue. He grinds again and she groans louder. "You like that, Liz?"

"Mmm!"

He hits the spot again.

"Yes!"

And again.

"Yes!" She drops to her elbows. "Don't…stop. Don't stop!"

He pulls out and slams into her once, twice, three times; each thrust eliciting a cry of pleasure from the usually subdued Atlantis leader. Getting close now, he ups his pace, ramming her with powerful blows, grunting and calling out her name. Until she clenches around him, her muscles spasming with a powerful orgasm and taking him along for the ride. He plunges deep inside and explodes with a howl.

Trembling, Elizabeth collapses face down on the bed and John drops on top of her. He's still inside her, pulsing and throbbing from exertion.

She turns her head sideways, cheek flat on the bed. "Are you more relaxed now?" she asks.

"Yes."

John gets off and she rolls over to look up at him. Her face is pink and sweaty, with wisps of hair sticking to her skin. John cups her cheek, caressing the hair behind her ear. She's warm and sticky, but so beautiful. He kisses her tenderly on the corners of her mouth. Her nose, her forehead then her swollen lips.

He pulls out of the kiss panting, trailing his tongue down her salty neck to her breasts where he feasts once more. Elizabeth sighs as he takes her in his mouth again…this time gently. Lovingly.

He glances up at her and smiles. "Your turn."

Melting into the bed as if all her muscles and bones have liquefied, Elizabeth moans with pleasure. "Okay then."


	9. Chapter 9

9

Elizabeth stretches in the soft morning light and winces slightly. After all their times together, even that incredible Olympic first night, she's never been this sore. She feels like a truck's been rammed through her. But one that left her smiling like a fool. That stupid-ass grin is back and worse than ever. She lost count of how many orgasms she had and idly wonders if there's a lifetime limit and that she's close to maxing out her credit. She remembers his triumphant, cocky smile as she screamed repeatedly throughout the night.

She doesn't remember sleeping, but she must have because she's completely rested and ready for the day. John's sound asleep next to her, snoring softly. Over his shoulder she catches sight of the clock: 5:30 a.m. It's the first time they've actually spent the entire night together. Sinking back into the pillows, she relishes the feel of his body close to hers; their fronts mushed together, legs interspersed between each other, the warmth of his hand resting on her hip.

He looks so young when he's sleeping. So innocent. She can't resist the rumpled hair and scruffy baby-face. Lightly, she traces a finger up his rough cheek. He doesn't stir. She lets her fingers comb into his soft, thick mane, enjoying the texture.

He shocked her last night. Shocked and terrified her at first. She knew he could be dangerous, unpredictable…but so forceful? Yeah, he'd scared her.

But she shocked herself as well. Accepting that side of him, encouraging it even. Letting him be harsh and rough, then actually getting off on it. What does that say about her?

_For Christ sakes I bit him!_

Lost in her thoughts, she doesn't realize for a moment that he's staring at her. She catches his gaze and they lock eyes for a long silent moment. He seems to be searching her face for something. "Morning," he rumbles.

Elizabeth smiles. "Morning."

"You all right?"

"Fine."

John pulls his hand from her hip and caresses her cheek. "Sure?"

Elizabeth giggles softly. "Well…I'm a bit sore if you must know."

His brows crease with worry. "Did I hurt you?"

She stares into his eyes, seeing all his love for her. Right there, out in the open for all to see and fills her heart with such joy. "No." She kisses him lightly.

She can feel him growing against her thigh. _Such as the sun rises, so does a man,_ she giggles. "You may be up for it, but I'm not so sure I am," she whispers.

"Ignore it," he says, rolling her over onto her back and kissing her neck eagerly.

"Not as easy as it sounds."

His hands find her breast as a blind man seeks out brail. He's gentle, leaving her tingling. Slowly he rubs himself against her leg, growing thick and hot. He wants inside her, she can tell by his deep, needy groan. But Elizabeth knows she can't handle that right now.

Gliding her hands between their bodies, she grasps him firmly with one and his breath catches. Then she wraps her second hand around him below the first, holding them still at the crease of her legs. He seems to understand her intent and starts to thrust in her hands. "Tighter," he growls. Elizabeth adds pressure and he moans with pleasure. "God, yes." His hips jerk fast and furious as he enters the opening she's created.

Her hands are not quite big enough to contain his length and he rubs between her legs. She shifts her hands to offer direct access to her external hot zone. With every thrust, his tip hits her right where she needs it. The contact is unfamiliar and strikingly erotic. Even John notices and he shifts his weight so he's hovering above her, tilting his hips to get full contact…his tip to hers.

Within moments, his eyes roll back into his head and he erupts on her. He drops, mushing their bodies together again. He kisses her long and deep. "That was…"

"Interesting?"

"And new."

Elizabeth grins. "For me too."

John's brows crease. "But you didn't…?"

She kisses him lightly. "It's okay." She glances at the clock. "Have to get up now anyway."

John's off the bed in an instant, picking her up and carrying her into the bathroom. "We can shower together." He grins wickedly. "You'll get yours."

_He looks so innocent when sleeping. It's definitely worth waking him up._

oOo

Kate knocks on Elizabeth's office door. "Can I come in?"

"Of course."

The psychiatrist tilts her head, considering Elizabeth for a moment. "You had sex."

Elizabeth's eyes go wide and she bursts from her chair, crosses to the door and shuts it immediately, looking out to see if anyone overheard. "Jeez! Do you have to be so observant and…loud?" No one's looking at them.

Kate chuckles. "Sorry. It's just…I'm shocked. But happy for you. Obviously, you're happy for you as well."

Elizabeth returns to her chair and sits carefully. She's still sore. But John kept his promise in the shower, giving her oh-so-much pleasure with his mouth and tongue that she was afraid she wouldn't have a voice left to run the daily meetings.

Kate sits, putting on her professional face. "I have a request."

"Anything."

"I'd like to take Angie away for awhile. Get her out of the city."

Elizabeth leans on her desk. "She can't go to Earth. It's not safe."

"I know. I was thinking perhaps of I-zoola. She likes it there. The people are nice--"

"That might not be a good idea either." Elizabeth's brows wrinkle. "She was planning a small vacation for her and John there. After his return."

Kate sits up straighter, her lips forming a silent 'oh'. She seems to ponder this for a moment. "Perhaps it could still work. It is the only place that offers her a chance to skate."

"Replacing one passion with another doctor? Doesn't sound too therapeutic."

Kate shakes her head. "Not replacing. Reminding. She has to remember there are other things worthwhile in her life. Other joys."

"It's only been two days. Are you sure she's ready?"

"Two days, two months…won't really matter if she keeps sliding downhill like she is."

"It's that bad?"

Kate nods. "She hasn't eaten since yesterday. Hasn't slept or spoken to anyone either. Not me…not even Lt. Cadman. I'm afraid it will only get worse the longer she's here…with him."

"Okay." Elizabeth leans back in her chair and temples her fingers in thought. "I'll radio Hani, ask her if it's all right."

"Can you spare a pilot right now?"

"It's only a two hour flight round trip. Even Carson could probably handle that."

Kate smirks. "I'd prefer not."

Elizabeth nods. "I understand. I'll let you know." She leans forward again. "In the mean time, I'd like you to talk with John. He's very frustrated about not being able to help Teyla and Ronon."

"Good idea." Kate gets up, turns for the door then looks back at Elizabeth. "How would you feel if he does remember…everything? Would you be all right with that?"

"Of course."

"Elizabeth?"

She licks her lips. "You're worried I might switch places with Angie."

"Not completely, but…yes."

Elizabeth considers the possibility of losing him again. She's already faced that on numerous occasions and she knows only one thing truly matters. She catches Kate's gaze. "Atlantis needs Colonel Sheppard whole. That's my only concern."

Kate nods in understanding. "Well…I must say, the after glow totally works for you."

Elizabeth blushes. "Please go away."

Kate laughs. "I'm just jealous."

"Radek's not putting out?" Elizabeth smirks.

Kate sighs. "You know those scientists. If it isn't a ZPM or it doesn't have data scrolling over it, they tend to get distracted easily."

"Maybe you should consider tattooing zero-zero-one-zero-one-one-zero all over your body. Might get his attention."

Kate makes a face suggesting she's considering the idea. Then she waves and opens the door. "I'll check with you later."

oOo

John's sitting on his bed with a data pad on his lap. Even though he's not technically on duty, Elizabeth's requiring him to review all his recent mission reports and those of everyone else on his team.

It's like reading a novel; he can't picture any of it happening in reality. And his own report of the events on PXT-705 seems to have been written by someone else. There's far too much emotion in it for a regular military report. Clearly the motives that led him to rescue Angela 'Jax' Peterson were more personal than professional in nature.

_How can I not remember her?_

Suddenly he does. Vividly. Her face beaten and bruised, lips cut and bloody, a nasty wound on her temple disappearing into her hair. And she's holding two guns, a 9mil pointing at his face and another one in her opposite hand, a Genii gun. Kolya's standing behind her, grinning proudly. But it's the look in her eyes that sticks with John; one of pure rage.

Even when she attacked him in the corridor, she didn't look this lethal. The image makes his heart race. He tries to shake it away. Now knowing what she went through at the madman's hands makes his stomach roil.

But he can't push the thoughts aside. He has no control over his mind. He sees her twist, shoot a guard at the door and spin, kicking Kolya in the head, kicking him again then shooting another guard that bursts in the room.

It all happens so fast but with such precision. He's fascinated by her and a rush of passion and respect nearly burst his heart wide open. But at the same time he's instantly repelled by the notion. He doesn't love this woman. He loves Elizabeth!

"Colonel Sheppard," a woman calls, knocking on his door.

John sets the data pad aside and opens the door to Dr. Heightmeyer. "Hey doc. What can I do for you?"

"Chat."

He motions for her to come in. "Elizabeth sent you?"

"She did."

"She tell you I had a meltdown last night?"

"No, she left that part out." Kate's still in the open door and she glances down the hall. Her gaze narrows a bit as something occurs to her. "How would you feel about taking a walk?"

John sighs and spreads his arms. "Always like being on the move."

She smiles warmly. "Good. I know just the place."

oOo

As they step off the transporter, John can feel Dr. Heightmeyer's eyes on him, ever watchful. He knows she's looking for a spark of recognition, but so far nothing's coming to him. Most of the corridors are so similar, if he hadn't seen what section of the city she chose, he wouldn't have a clue they were heading for the South Pier.

"What is the last thing you remember?" she asks.

John shakes his head. "I'm not sure anymore. I get these flashes but I've read all these reports…"

"Here. Take my hand." He does. "Now, close your eyes and walk. Let the sounds of the city wash over you. The first clear image, that doesn't feel forced or from a report, speak up."

The doctor silently leads him on their walk and he does as she says, letting his mind wander. Even in the depths of the corridor he can hear the distant sound of the ocean. He can feel the sway of the city, though deep down he knows that's not really possible. Mostly he can hear his own breathing.

Breathing.

It sounds mechanical.

Flash: He looks down, seeing Angela lying in a bed, hooked up to a ventilator.

Flash: Ford lying on a floor, sweating and in pain.

Flash: Elizabeth being dragged toward the wormhole by Kolya.

Elizabeth's staring at him with fear and longing in her jade green eyes. _You can't._

_I have to and you know it._

_Go._

John's eyes snap open and he squeezes the doctor's hand. They stop walking and she looks at him. "Something specific?"

"The suicide run. When I left to blow up the hive ship."

"Okay. Good." She tugs gently on his hand and starts walking again. "Now, let's move slowly forward from there. Tell me exactly what you remember, moment by moment."

John nods, closing his eyes again. "I raced into the Control Room, Elizabeth was about to call for evacuation but I told her to wait. She seemed to know exactly what I planned to do and tried to stop me, but she knew it was the only way. So she gave me the go ahead and I ran up the stairs.

"The nuke was already on board so I simply started up the jumper and headed out." His heart pounds at the memory. It's so clear. Unlike all those earlier flashes, this one he feels in his bones. He would never admit to being scared, but he was. Despite what his superior officers always claimed, he doesn't have a death wish. But he knew he had to save Atlantis at all costs.

He had to save Elizabeth.

"I broke atmo and engaged the cloak. They never saw me coming. Didn't even detect my approach."

Flash: Angela lying under him in bed, struggling to say something, but it's hard for her. So damn hard. _I…I…._ she swallows and the next words come out like a sob. _Love you._ Tears spill over the sides of her face and again he's blasted with emotions he doesn't want.

_Damn!_ He shakes his head.

"What's wrong?" Dr. Heightmeyer asks. "Why'd you stop?"

John sighs heavily. He opens his eyes, seeing they're nearing a door. He groans with frustration. "I keep getting these flashes of Angela."

"I'm not surprised." She smiles knowingly and nods as she passes a hand over the door control. It opens to an amazing view of the South Pier. Pink, orange and blue swirl in the afternoon sky. It's breathtaking as usual.

John releases her hand as he steps through the door. He enjoys the cool breeze that ruffles his hair. He turns back to the doctor, she's watching him again. "It's great. But why bring me here?"

Dr. Heightmeyer clasps her hands in front of her and shrugs. "Take a look around. Anything familiar?"

John looks out, getting a fill of the view. He shakes his head at her. "Should it be?"

Disappointment swims over her features; her smile wavers then becomes professional, polite. She sighs. "Why don't we pick up where you left off?" She folds her arms. "You were on the jumper."

He closes his eyes. He could see the hive ship growing in the view shield as he got closer. He was heading straight for the launch bay hoping to create multiple explosive reactions throughout the ship.

Flash: Angela skating.

_What the fuck!_

John tightens his eyes again, forcing all other thoughts from his brain. He's on his way in the puddle jumper—

Flash: Angela dancing as Elizabeth, he and the guy named Ronon watch in fascination.

With a groan, John clutches at his skull. "Dammit!"

Dr. Heightmeyer's by his side, a hand on his shoulder. "What is it John?"

He shakes his head. "It's her. She's…distracting me."

"Angela?"

"Why is she in my head all the time? I can't think about anything else."

"Are your feelings coming back?"

He glares at the good doctor. "No, it's pissing me off!" She takes a step back. John rolls his eyes. "I'm sorry doc. It's just that…whenever I latch onto the memory, she pops into my head and I lose it. It's frustrating as hell."

She considers that for a moment. "Maybe there's a reason for it."

"I don't see how."

"We'll have to dig a little deeper. First, try to find the next solid memory. One that takes place after the suicide run."

John concentrates. He knows the Daedalus beamed him off his ship before it detonated. He knows he almost lost Atlantis when the shield didn't come up until the last moment. He knows he went back to Earth for a while. And he knows about losing Ford and finding Ronon.

But none of it feels real. He knows it because he read it in the mission reports. He gets glimpses that make sense in the context, but nothing whole, nothing solid.

Flash: Angela standing on this pier, dressed to the nines. And they're dancing. And she's smiling at him with so much love.

John glowers at Dr. Heightmeyer. "This is why you brought me out here?"

"I'm sorry?"

"You don't care if I remember how to find Teyla and Ronon. You just want me to remember you're patient so she won't be so screwed up."

"John. What are you talking about?"

He waves a hand around. "This pier. It's 'our' place. Angela's and mine."

She nods, her expression unapologetic. "It is special to you. That is why I brought you here. But not because I only want you to remember Angela. But because by remembering her, you may very well find what you've lost." John stomps by her and the doors swish open as he approaches. He can hear the doctor chasing after him. "John!"

"No! I'm not in-love with her. And you can't make me."

She manages to keep up with him. "I'm not trying to make you do anything. I only wish to help you get your memory back."

"What if I forgot on purpose? Did you consider that? Maybe Angela drove me to it."

"What are you talking about?"

"I keep getting the images, these flashes. She's trouble with a capital T. The chick's always in some sort of danger or upheaval. It's too much drama to ask me to always be there to rescue her. I'm nobody's hero."

"You're absolutely right. You're not."

John nods firmly.

"She's yours."

That stops him dead in his tracks. He slowly turns to face her. "What?"

Dr. Heightmeyer's puffing from the jog. She takes a deep breath. "You told me yourself. Angela is your hero, John. Not the other way around."

"I couldn't--"

She holds up a hand. "You said she saved you from yourself. Shined a light on you or something..." She waves the hand, still breathing hard. "It was very poetic, actually. Wish I'd written it down."

John starts walking again. "I don't believe it."

"Fine. Don't." She's close behind him again. "But when you get back to your quarters. There's proof."

"What kind of proof?"

"Somewhere in your room there's a little box."

"A box?"

"Yes. Pretty little thing too. Handmade on Belkan." She raises her brows. "See for yourself." She stops suddenly and taps her headset. "Yes, Dr. Weir." She listens to something John can't hear. "We're returning now. Thirty minutes if I can keep pace with the Colonel."

"Does Elizabeth need me for something?"

"No, Colonel. Contrary to what you might think, not everything on Atlantis revolves around you."

John's brows shoot up. "Wow…for a second there I think you were channeling McKay."

She waves her hand and has 'I'm sorry' on her face. "Not very professional of me, I'm afraid." She wags a finger at him. "But you made me exercise. I hate that."

John chuckles and she smiles. They quickly head back in companionable silence.


	10. Chapter 10

10

John has no intention of searching for the box Dr. Heightmeyer mentioned. He's not interested in rekindling feelings for the troubled Angela, no matter how hot and heavy they had it before. He's with Elizabeth, as it should be. As it's meant to be.

Flash: Closing the top drawer of his desk.

John shakes away the image. So he knows where the damned thing is. Big deal. Doesn't mean he has to look at it. It could be nothing. Just a present he had made. More than likely, he did what he's done all his life: bought gifts that could go to anyone, nothing cheap, but nothing too personal either.

He finds himself outside the door to his quarters. He was heading to the commissary, not his room. _What the hell am I doing here?_

Without forethought, he swipes his hand over the controls and the door slides open. John strides over to the desk and yanks open the top drawer.

There, as expected, is a delicate wood box. He lifts it up and stares at the intricate floral design laid into the wood. The grain is fantastically uniform, polished and stained to perfection. He can't see a single mark marring the beauty.

John drops onto his bed, holding the box in his right hand and running his left hand through his hair. _What is wrong with me?_ He can't stop staring at the damn thing, like it's about to jump from his palm and do tricks or something.

He drops the box onto the bed and looks away from it. What he told the doctor is true. He can't be Angela's hero. And no matter what he said before, there's no way that screwed up kid could possibly be his either.

Flash: While locking her gaze with John's, she pulls the trigger, blowing Kolya's head off with one shot between the eyes. A single brow arches at John. _I don't need saving._

John buries his face in his hands. Why can't he get her out of his head? Scrubbing his face, he glances over and his gaze falls on the box. He picks it up again and sees something he missed before. A seam in the wood. Even as it plays in his mind, he pulls the lid off the box and sees what all the fuss is about. The damn box wasn't the present. It's what's inside!

_Fuck me!_

Carefully, he plucks the delicate ornament from the plush surroundings and brings it closer for inspection. It's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen…as far as he can remember, anyway.

Maybe half a centimeter in width, it looks incredibly delicate. Reminiscent of the Atlantean sky with swirls of pink, blue and orange molded and polished to a mirror shine. Pressing it between his finger and thumb, he finds the material is surprisingly resistant—and unearthly beautiful—handcrafted with amazing attention to detail. Etched within the swirls, in gold he's assuming, are tiny connecting hearts, all the way around it. On first appearance, it looks positively fragile, and yet it's incredibly strong.

The exact compliment for Angela, it seems.

Tilting it, he finds more etching on the underside. An inscription: _My Angel…Always_.

Flash: He can feel her trying to squeeze his fingers, but she's drained of strength. Instead, she grins…very weak… Her eyes start to close. John cups her face, willing her to look at him. _No…Jax, stay with me._

_Always…_

Holding the present in his fingers, John gets an unwavering and overwhelming urge to see Angie. He puts the gift back in the box, closes it and sets the whole thing aside again. He clutches his head in his hands. "I love Elizabeth dammit!"

Still, he's rising and rushing from his quarters. How he finds hers is another mystery for some other time, he simply knows where to go. The door is open when he arrives.

There's a pack on the floor and the bed is stripped of linens. In fact, he doesn't see a single personal item anywhere in the room, except the lonely looking laptop asleep on the desk.

Angela emerges from the bathroom carrying what looks like shampoo and other assorted items. She glances at him briefly before attending to her packing. Dark circles round her eyes and her face is deathly pale; a ghost of the woman who kissed him when he awoke in the infirmary just the other day.

His heart hurts seeing her like this. It's all that guilt ready to kill him. "Where are you going?" She sets the bath items on top of everything in the pack. John steps further into the room. "Angela?"

"That really shouldn't matter to you, should it," she says softly. He almost couldn't hear her.

"This is your home."

She looks him in the eyes. Her dark chocolate gaze is remarkably sultry even while expressing unfathomable sorrow. Her lips tremble. "Not anymore." She releases him from her penetrating stare to zip up the pack.

Lt. Cadman appears at John's side. She nods politely to him, but her obvious concern is for Angela. "All set."

Angela lifts her bag, but it's obvious she's straining to carry it. She looks so thin. Cadman grabs the bag from her. "Let me get that." Then she vanishes out the door. Angela follows with her head downcast.

Turning back suddenly, she kisses John's cheek for a long heartbreaking moment. "I love you, Johnny," she whispers in his ear on a muffled sob.

And then she's gone.

John's not sure whether to be relieved or not. Part of him wants to chase after her, beg her to stay, but the other part wants to go grab hold of Elizabeth and never let go.

He drops onto the edge of the bed, rests his elbows on his legs and closes his eyes. Guilt and frustration twist in his gut.

oOo

Lt. Cadman sets the pack on one of the bench seats in the puddle jumper then comes back out. As she walks down the ramp, she grabs hold of Angie and gives her a big hug. Angie hugs her back, but there's very little strength in her arms. According to Kate, she still refuses to eat.

Carson was close to putting her back in the infirmary, but Kate convinced him the best thing for her right now is space away from John. Considering the last time Angie went to I-zoola to be free of him she came back rather healthy and reinvigorated, Kate didn't have to fight all that hard.

Elizabeth watches as Angie trails behind Kate into the puddle jumper. Her head hanging, defeated. She doesn't say anything or look at anyone. Major Lorne is flying them to I-zoola and he glances at Angie then at Elizabeth, his brows rise as concern floods his face. "Be safe, Major," Elizabeth says. Lorne nods, his gaze shifting back to Angie as Kate gets her settled on the other bench. Elizabeth never really noticed before, but it seems the Major might have a bit of a crush on Angela. Then again, since the pheromone thing…doesn't everybody?

Well…except for the one man who's supposed to.

Cadman looks to Elizabeth and there's worry in her blue eyes. Elizabeth offers a comforting smile. "She'll be fine, Laura. A few days in the snow. Some skating." She nods. "It'll be good for her."

"If you say so ma'am."

"The minute Ronon gets here…she's coming home."

Cadman smiles, but it's small. "Yes ma'am."

"Dr. Weir."

Elizabeth clicks her headset. "Go ahead, Carson."

"Could you come to the infirmary please? There's something you need to see."

"I'll be there shortly." She clicks her headset again then nods to Lorne. "Whenever you're ready, Major."

Lorne nods and the rear hatch closes.

Elizabeth and Lt. Cadman go down the stairs. Elizabeth stands at the balcony alcove to wait for the jumper to depart. She heads to the infirmary once she sees them safely through the gate.

Even outside the infirmary, she can hear the raised voices. The only time Dr. Zelenka yells is when Rodney's driving him crazy. And Carson never yells. At least not like this. The two are bickering like boys on a play ground: I'm right, you're wrong, only one has a Scottish accent and the other is Czech.

"Stop the buzzing!" Rodney cries, straining against the cuffs on his wrists and ankles. "I can't stand the buzzing!"

Carson rests a hand on Rodney's arm and the man flinches. "No needles."

"I don't have a needle, Rodney."

"You're stinging me. Stop it. Stop it!" He glares at Carson. "You're just jealous you Scottish Terrier, because I'm invincible."

Carson withdraws his hand from Rodney's arm, nodding placatingly at the scientist. "Yes, Rodney, you're invincible."

"That's Mister Invincible to you!"

"Ahh, Dr. Weir," Zelenka sighs as Elizabeth steps into the room. "Perhaps a sound mind can bring this hlupák to see the light."

"Now there's no need for name calling you cheeky little bastard."

"How you know I call you name, you mizera."

"I know an insult when I hear one. I don't care what language it's in."

"drž hubu!"

"Well, right back at ya. And you can Pòg mo thòin while you're at it."

"Carson!"

He turns sharply. "My apologies, Dr. Weir. But he drove me to it." He considers her for a moment. "I didn't know you speak Gaelic."

She smirks, shaking her head. "Only the colorful phrases."

"Mister invincible will wipe that smile off your face with a death glare!"

Carson rolls his eyes. "If the withdrawals don't kill him…"

Elizabeth holds up a hand. "Carson. You're a doctor. Don't finish that sentence." She lets out a heavy breath. "Now. Please tell me you didn't bring me down here to referee your bickering."

Carson glances at Zelenka who simply sneers back. He then looks sheepishly at Elizabeth. "We might have a situation."

oOo

John doesn't know how long he's been sitting on her bed or why he's still in her room. He looks around, not seeing anything familiar…and yet…

He knows this room.

Standing, John goes to the door and stares in. He takes a step forward and starts to pace, feeling like a kid asking for candy he knows he's not supposed to have. Glancing up, he sees Angie standing near the door wearing a ratty old robe, her hair dripping wet…and he wants her so bad he can taste it.

_Are you saying you have a crush on me, Sheppard?_

He can feel this energy emanating from her. Pulling at him. It's like he has no control over himself…she's a gravity well and he's some helpless victim.

"Your path is your own, John."

_What? _John looks around. He's alone. But he just heard…

Flash: The hive ship's coming into view. _They haven't detected my approach. I'm going in._

Flash: Angie sitting on the sofa in Elizabeth's office, smiling at him. She gets up and turns to face him. _You have a choice to make._

Flash: _I'm going in._

Flash: Angie smiles. _No one can make it for you._

Flash: _I'm going in._ Turning from the controls, he sees a bright light out of the corner of his eye. Angie's standing there…in the jumper…bathed in a white light…

John's eyes snap open. "Ohmigod!" And he rushes from the room.


	11. Chapter 11

11

Elizabeth raises her brows. "What kind of situation?"

"The bad kind," Zelenka says.

"There's no reason to get hysterical. It could be nothing."

"I don't believe is nothing. I doubt Dr. Weir believes is nothing."

"Dr. Weir would like to make that decision on her own, if someone would simply tell me what's going on?"

"We're all going to die!" Rodney huffs. "Well, you maybe. Not me. Mister invincible. I'm amazing. And Ford. Yes Ford…pure genius. That idiot!"

Elizabeth sighs as she darts her gaze between the three men. "I'm waiting."

Carson motions to his laptop set on the usual table. She steps over to his side and looks at the screen, seeing two 3-d images of brains. "When I was studying Rodney's brain scan, I decided to compare it with Colonel Sheppard's. They are remarkably similar except for the region that is affected by the enzyme."

"So, Colonel Sheppard didn't take the enzyme."

"Exactly. But that's not why I called you."

Zelenka interrupts. "Since we only got scanner working again, Dr. Morgan suggested second diagnostic for patient history comparison… on safe side. I use McKay's scan and search database for recent scan to compare."

"Seems to match up quite nicely."

"Then I run Colonel Sheppard's--"

Elizabeth's glances from Zelenka and motions to Carson. "We already know his matched."

"Aye…" Carson says. "But what I didn't know is that the database holds _all_ the previous scans. Not just the most recent."

"All of them. How far back do they go?"

Carson folds his arms. "Since we first started using the equipment. Almost two years' worth."

"That's great." She shrugs. "I still don't understand why you needed me here to tell me this."

"It is machine, Dr. Weir. It made mistake."

Carson holds up a hand. "No. It didn't made—make a mistake." Elizabeth's watching him carefully. "It simply…"

"It made mistake, Dr. Beckett."

Elizabeth can feel that tightening in her gut that says bad news is on the way. "Carson? What aren't you telling me?"

Carson sighs heavily. "It may be easier to show you." He types a couple commands into his laptop then points at the left side of the screen. "This here is Colonel Sheppard's scan from yesterday." He points at the right side of the screen. "And this is the scan the computer matched it to."

"They look the same to me."

"Aye."

Zelekna flaps his arms dramatically. "But is wrong, I tell you!"

"Would you please!" Carson snaps. He looks apologetically at Elizabeth. "The scan the system matched to is over a year old."

"But it matched. So what's the problem?"

Carson types more commands into the system. Another image appears on the right side of the screen. Several sections of the brain are colored differently than the scan on the left. "Whose is this, Rodney's."

Carson shakes his head. "No. Colonel Sheppard's…from last month."

"Last mo…" Elizabeth stares wide eyed at the screen then slides her gaze at Carson. "What's going on, Carson? These look totally different."

"Aye. The Colonel's brain chemistry changed. It's the link with Angela, a reaction to her enhanced pheromones. I've been tracking the result to determine if the changes are permanent or perhaps dissolving over time."

"And?"

Carson's face wrinkles from forehead to chin. "As of last month's scan, there was no indication of reversal even in the slightest of levels."

"So the changes are permanent."

"Aye. Except now…suddenly--"

Zelenka shoots his hands up into the air again. "Is nemožné! Ta rozum dělá nikoli resetovat." He pulls off his glasses, shaking his head. "Is impossible, Dr. Weir. Human brain is far too intricate system to reset as such. Clean slate."

"Clean slate?" Her confused gaze bounces between the two doctors.

Carson nods. "Given the results and the subsequent normalcy of his brain chemistry, it's as if Colonel Sheppard was never affected by Angela."

"Because it didn't happen."

They turn, seeing John standing in the door. "What?" All three ask.

"This pheromone incident. It never happened. To me." They stare at him, mouths gaping. "I am John Sheppard. But not Col. Sheppard." He catches Elizabeth's eyes. "I'm Major Sheppard."

"Ah ha!" Rodney bellows from his bed. "Different timeline…an alternate reality. Sweet!" His sweaty, red face turns to Carson, mouth wide with a...well? The grin of a crazy man. "Didn't see that coming, didja!"

"Not now, Rodney," Carson snaps and Rodney's face falls into a petulant pout. Carson turns to Elizabeth. "Not time travel again."

John steps forward. "All I know is…where ever I'm from…I didn't survive the suicide mission to the Wraith hive ship." He catches Elizabeth's gaze again, holding her hostage with his hazel eyes. "The last real memory I have is of you. The look in your eyes as you told me to go."

Elizabeth gasps. "But the Daedalus."

"Didn't make it in time," John says. "If at all."

"You died?" Zelenka asks.

He shrugs. "I don't know. I'm still foggy on the rest of it."

"That's not possible. People don't die and then come back--" Carson starts but Rodney laughs.

"Dr. Jackson."

Elizabeth closes her eyes as the report plays over her mind. Not to mention her conversations with the archeologist. "Daniel Jackson. He ascended only to return to his prior human form, without his clothes or his memory to be exact."

"Quite literally stripped of his enlightenment," Carson says, nodding with understanding.

John nods, closing his eyes. "Chaya was banished to her planet, but remained ascended. She chose human form only to relate to others."

Elizabeth cringes at the mention of that particular Ancient and John notices. He offers a look of apology.

She's having difficulty grasping the situation. She knows what it's like, she met her own self, but it's hard to fathom the enormity of this situation. Two John Sheppards?

Caldwell's going to have a fit!

John's quiet for a long moment, seemingly looking into himself and remembering something new. He gets a serene look on his face and then smiles. "That's why she was always there," he says to himself.

Elizabeth's brows shoot up. "What?"

"Angela. I do know her…did…sort of." His eyes get a familiar dreamy quality. "She gave me a choice."

Elizabeth's confused for a moment—what else is new—then realization dawns on her. She finds herself searching for a place to sit. "She helped you ascend?"

"She can't do that, she's human," Carson says firmly.

"Obviously not in his timeline," Elizabeth notes.

"I'm getting a headache," Carson says rubbing his temples.

"Is like we are interconnected," Zelenka says as he molds his hands around an invisible circle. "Souls meant to touch meet but not same in all ways."

For some reason, that makes perfect sense to Elizabeth. What she learned from her own encounter with another self, is that most of the people she was meant to bring along on the expedition had gone the first time as well. If that was even the first time. There are so many possible outcomes that there could have been any number of attempts to get to the city only to fail. Or perhaps they made it and never woke the Wraith, only to be attacked and blindsided anyway.

Carson's right. She's getting a headache too.

John's brows crease and his eyes narrow. "I wish I could remember more. But I get the strangest feeling I didn't fit in there."

"Aye. You would rattle the chains of command, be sure."

"Not one to follow rules," John smirks.

"And according to Dr. Jackson," Elizabeth says. "The Ancients have a lot of those." Everyone's quiet, trying to let the information set in.

"Oh God," Elizabeth sighs as she drops onto a stool as something else occurs to her. A queasy, greasiness roils around in her stomach and her brain seems to float right out of her body. Why didn't she realize? He was so different. He looked confused. Lost even._ Seems I'm always awake anymore._ _I keep finding myself wandering the halls._

"But…" Carson asks, interrupting her thoughts. "Why return to an alternate timeline?" He talks to Rodney. "You'd think that would be against the rules."

"What are you looking at me for?" Rodney whines. "He's the one who got all formless and glowy."

John's face scrunches up as he concentrates for a long moment. Then he shakes his head. "I got nothing."

Zelenka raises his hand. "I have theory." Everyone looks to him with hope. "Universe is infinite. New timelines for every decision made. If I understand…ascended know all? Yes?"

"Pretty much," Elizabeth offers.

"So as ascended you have choice to stay or go and choice…which reality to go."

"But this reality sucks!" Rodney yells. "I gotta get out of here. Carson let me go. I'm feeling much better now."

Carson goes to Rodney's side. "Not yet, Rodney, you're still in withdrawal."

"Cold turkey my ass." He struggles against the restraints again. "Gimme something. You gotta gimme some enzyme." He manages to sit up a little. "You're trying to kill me, aren't you. I knew it! Evil voodoo doctor!"

Carson looks over his shoulder. "He seemed lucid for a moment. Suppose that's something."

Elizabeth simply nods. Her gaze lands on John. All the things he said to her during their encounters take on new meanings now. His confusion, his need to talk to her.

_Why are you here, John?_

_You died and… Atlantis was destroyed. _

She brushed that off as a nightmare…but if she only listened instead of stopping him. She remembers how she placed her finger over his lips. How she begged him to make love to her when he was clearly overwhelmed.

He's staring at her, waiting for her to say something. She can see it in his beautiful eyes; that need for understanding. "You came to see me," she says.

"I did?"

All their halted conversations replay in her mind. _I've wanted you for so long. Watched you. _Her hands tremble as the realization takes hold. Her heartbeat races, pounding erratically in her chest. "All this time it was you. Not John."

He takes a step toward her. "I am John."

"No!" Standing abruptly, the stool slides out from under her and hits the wall. Everyone's watching her, but she only has eyes for one man. _Something's…going to happen. _

"Uh, yes he is," Zelenka says. "Remarkably."

John reaches for her. "Elizabeth--"

But she holds up both hands, putting space between her and this man…this other not-John… she backs away from everyone. She can barely feel her feet on the floor. Her mind's spinning and black spots creep in on her vision.

Still watching him as she edges for the door, she sees the concern in his eyes. The worry. The love for her._ It's going to change everything. Possibly even how you feel about me._

_He's John!_ Her mind screams.

_No. Not my John. Some other Elizabeth's, in some other reality. He doesn't belong to me!_

_Yes he does. You love him. He loves you. _

His voice rings clearly in her mind. _When did you know you loved me?_

_When you left me…took the jumper…to save us all. _

Does it really matter that he hasn't been here since then? That he's been…what? Hovering. Floating through eternity? He is John Sheppard. The moment she knew she loved him hasn't changed. The fact that she does love him hasn't changed.

He chose this timeline. He watched from his higher plain…and chose her.Tears spring to Elizabeth's eyes as she realizes how true that last part is. He asked her if she was willing to give up Atlantis to be with him. He had to know the risk he was taking would be worth it.

Because he was giving up immortality…

"You did it," she gasps. "For me…"

John's brows shoot up. "I did?" He makes an adorable face and adds more firmly: "I mean…I did."

Elizabeth laughs softly. Her hand flutters to her mouth as a happy sob escapes. With her eyes locked on his, Elizabeth rushes at him and kisses him with everything she has. She told him before that nothing would make her stop loving him. She meant it then and it still rings true in her heart. This is the man she loves.

"Dr. Weir!" Zelenka calls.

"Elizabeth!" Carson stammers.

"And you all think I'm crazy," Rodney huffs.

John's arms encircle her, pulling her close and he deepens the kiss. It's amazingly sweet and tender yet passionate beyond belief. Yes, this is the man she loves. _This is my John Sheppard._

"Hey," Rodney says. "You're Samantha Carter…well, except that you're you and she's… well…blonde and all."

They break the kiss and turn their attention to Rodney along with everyone else. He's starting to drift off to sleep. Carson must have given him a sedative after his last outburst about voodoo. But being Rodney, he's too stubborn to simply give in and manages to ramble on even as he's falling asleep. "Orlin took human form because he fell in love with Sam. And who could blame him, I mean…"

"I do, you know." John says, catching Elizabeth's gaze. "Love you."

She smiles at him. "I know…Major. I love you too."

"Well it's about bloody time you two said something!" Carson sighs. "Oh…but what about the Colonel?" He pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes tight. "I need an analgesic."

John grins. "If you want to call me Colonel--"

Elizabeth's eyes widen and she steps out of his grasp. "Oh God!" She looks to Carson. "She was right!"

Carson understands instantly. "Dear Lord, she was."

"Who?" Zelenka asks, looking very confused.

John grimaces. "Angie." He licks his lips, shakes his head and grips the back of his neck. "What have I done?"

"Well it would have helped if you hadn't come here without your bloody memory!" Carson hisses. "That poor lass..."

Elizabeth shoves her hands through her hair. "We have to get her back here. I have to tell her."

"No don't!" Rodney says bursting suddenly from sleep. Elizabeth looks at him, there's drool on his cheek and his eyes are nearly closed. "Entropic cascade failure…" he mumbles then his head lolls to the side and he's finally out.

"What was that?" John looks to Carson who shrugs.

Zelenka wags a finger. "ECF. Unusual side effect which emerges after several days of identical living matter co-existing within same dimensional universe."

"I don't understand," John says.

"ECF is direct result of person who has duplicate already in reality. Is marked by violent convulsions in the foreign matter—that would be you—phase shifting. A very painful death, I'm afraid."

"Colonel…I mean, Major," Carson starts. "Have you suffered any side effects that you recall?"

"Just a few memory flashes that I shouldn't be having…since they didn't happen to me." He shakes a finger. "Now that you mention it. There was this thing…felt like I was hit with a Wraith stunner."

"This is not phase shifting," Zelenka says. "And from report of Major Carter at SGC we know ECF occurs within hours or days." He shrugs. "There is only one reason has not happened in all time he's been here."

Elizabeth's heart shatters, for her and for Angie. "Col. Sheppard…_our_ Sheppard…is dead."

oOo

She's exhausted, though trying to hide it. John keeps his arm wrapped around her waist, steadying Elizabeth as she leads the way to her quarters. He caught her crying silently and figures it's only right that she would grieve the loss of the John Sheppard from this reality. He is the one she knows.

And loves?

A person can go mad thinking about this. She knows him as well. For he is the same John Sheppard that raced up those stairs on that mission. He just never came back.

Until now.

And if she's right—which he feels deep down she is—and he gave up being immortal to return to her side, why couldn't he have remembered being ascended. Think of all the heartache he could have saved Angela…she never deserved this.

He remembers only glimpses of her from his original reality. Dr. Heightmeyer's words play over his mind and now it's a little frightening how true they are. _She shined a light on you. _The angel that came to offer him a chance at immortality over death by nuke.

It didn't take much convincing.

But that's where the memories go dark. He has nothing after that, save waking up in the infirmary the other day.

But Elizabeth said he came to her. He visited her.

"How many times?"

"What?" she asks, trying to stifle a yawn.

"How many times did I visit you?"

"Uh two…three."

They reach her room and she swipes her hand over the controls. The door slides open and they go inside. John sits her on the edge of the bed and kneels in front of her so he can untie her boots. "What did we talk about?"

Her tired gaze narrows on him. "You have no idea?" He shakes his head. She drops her eyes to her lap. "I think you tried to tell me…who you are…what you wanted. But I didn't want to hear it. I was just so happy to have you in my arms…" she shakes her head. John tilts her chin so he can look into her eyes. "I pretty much jumped you that first night," she says with an embarrassed laugh.

John's brows rise. "Really? You?"

She nods, still embarrassed. "Yeah me." She's staring at him, but it seems she's not seeing him, but looking past him. "I don't think it was real."

"What?"

She pulls her gaze back, now looking directly at him. "I mean…it felt real. Very real." A little giggle and she blushes slightly. "Amazingly real." Another head shake. "I don't think it was…" Her brows crease and she nibbles on her bottom lip. "I think…you came into my head. Into my dreams. When I was sleeping."

"That's invasive."

Her hand cups his cheek, rounding his chin. She's warm and loving. "No…it was perfect." Her brows crease again. "Maybe it was necessary."

John slips her boots and socks off and sets them aside. "You mean because of the rules."

She shrugs. "Maybe."

"So…I gave up immorality to be with you. That's either terribly romantic or insanely obsessive."

She grins as she kisses his lips lightly. "I'll stick with romantic." John pulls away from her. He stands up, takes a deep breath and paces a bit. "What's wrong?" she asks.

"Well…what about _him_?" he asks. She looks confused. "The other…me. He is the one from this timeline. You've known him longer…"

Her eyes slowly close and she hangs her head. For a moment he thinks she might have actually fallen asleep but then she lifts her gaze to meet his. The jade green has a new light behind it. A passionate fire. Sliding off the bed, she stands before him and takes his hand, placing it over her heart. "Feel that?"

It's beating rapidly.

"Yes."

"That's for you." She links her fingers with his. "There is a difference between you and Col. Sheppard."

"Aside from rank…and brain chemistry?"

She nods, still holding his gaze. "You wanted me to risk Atlantis and I said yes."

"So?"

"I told him I wouldn't."

John doesn't get that for a moment. By all rights, she told the other him 'yes' because she believed that's who asked her.

Elizabeth grasps his face in her hands and pulls him in for a searing kiss and all other thoughts disappear.

_Yeah, okay, I can live with that._

Her hands drift over his shoulders before slowly gliding down his chest, taking the scenic route to the base of his shirt. The warm skin on skin contact at his waist prompts his own exploration.

Elizabeth pushes his shirt up with her hands, only to bring her mouth down to his belly and start kissing and licking at him on the way up. She gently captures a nipple between her teeth and John nearly falls over from the sensation. Then she slides her tongue to the other side and gives him some more of that blissful torture.

John pulls off his shirt as she continues to explore his chest with her hands and mouth. He's intent on enjoying every second he has with this woman.

When she brings her lips back up to graze his, John turns the tables on her by copying her recent moves. Her head falls back as a deep moan escapes when he captures her with his teeth as she did him. John attacks her neck with the same fervor, lavishing nips and kisses as he sucks every tender spot he can find.

Suddenly her hand is inside his pants. He never even felt her undo them, but she's got him in her grip now, and his mind goes completely blank. All that matters is the feel of her palm against his skin, her fingers teasing him in all the right places. When she cups him, that's when he looses it.

Breathing hard, he takes her lips with his, battles her tongue eagerly as he scrambles to get her pants undone, his fingers fumbling with the button and zipper.

Elizabeth keeps working her magic inside his pants. "Stop," he groans. She doesn't. He yanks her head back by her hair. "I won't make it."

She grins wickedly at him. "Do your best…Major." And she continues massaging him.

John can never resist a challenge. Grasping her wrist, he removes her hand from his pants, steps back and strips completely as she watches with wild eyes and that wicked grin. He waits as she does the same, only she takes more time to get out of her panties. Then she tosses them at him. John can feel how wet they are and it makes him so damn hard. Once free of their clothes, John steps right back into his last position, grips her wrist again and guides her hand back to where she had it. "Do _you're_ best…ma'am," he says, once again attacking her neck with his mouth, her breasts with his hands.

Elizabeth chuckles deep in her throat, but it soon turns to a heady moan when one of his hands glides down her body and finds her swollen and tender.

She has both hands on him now, stroking and pulling, fingers tickling…_oh god!_

He's got his fingers working on her the same way, pulling gasp after gasp from her. "John…" she sighs. "Now. I need you inside me."

"No," he pants. "Keep going."

And they do. Hands and fingers playing at each other as they lock mouths and bathe tongues.

Her grip tightens, moving faster, urging him to cum and he slips his fingers inside her, doing the exact same thing.

He smiles triumphantly as she cries out first, trembling against his hand. He follows shortly afterward, happy he met his challenge with honor and dignity.

John guides Elizabeth to the bed and lays down next to her, face to face. They kiss and touch tenderly, just staring at each other for a long time. "So," he says finally. "Will it ever be as good as in your dreams?"

"Well," Elizabeth smiles as she maneuvers him onto his back and starts kissing his chest again, rummaging her fingers through his hair. "Practice makes perfect as the saying goes." She continues kissing him lower. "And we've only just started," she grins wickedly again.

Her kisses make a trail down to his belly and lower…only to stop. He sees her smiling again as she slides down his legs, rubbing her breast over him in such a tantalizing manner he can't suppress a groan of desire and expectation. Only, he should know by now, Elizabeth defies expectations. He suddenly feels the tip of her tongue on the inside of his right knee…way lower than he'd hoped, and yet, as she starts licking her way back up…

John's breath catches. _There's something very familiar about all this._


	12. Chapter 12

12

"Dr. Weir?" Elizabeth hurries to her office door—or at least moves as fast as she can, considering how sore she is once again. "We received word from Daedalus," Chuck says. "They said they should be back to Atlantis by 19:00 hours."

Her heart drops into her stomach. "They called the search off."

"They said there's nothing to search for."

"Thank you." Elizabeth feels sick to her stomach. Angie! Losing John and now Ronon. Elizabeth's afraid the young woman will never recover. Running a hand over her face, she turns to go back into her office.

"Off world activation."

"Who is it?"

"We have an IDC." Chuck smiles as Elizabeth rushes back out. "It's Col. Sheppard's code."

_Ohmigod! _Elizabeth can feel her heart leap up, ready to burst from her chest. "Let them in." She races down the stairs, grinning at John as he appears at the base of the stairs.

Sheppard, Ronon and Teyla step through the event horizon looking for all intents and purposes… perfect!

"Sorry we're late," Sheppard says wryly as the wormhole shuts down behind them.

As Elizabeth looks them over, she sees Sheppard's eyes stray behind her and she instantly knows why. He pulls his gun at the same time as Ronon and they both take aim at John. Elizabeth puts herself in the way. "Don't shoot. He's you."

John—without a weapon—pretty much lets Elizabeth handle this one. He pops his head over her shoulder and points at her. "What she said."

oOo

In the corner of the infirmary, John stands with his arms crossed, watching as Elizabeth hovers over the other him while Carson checks the man out. John can feel his heartbeat quicken when her hand rests familiarly on the Colonel's arm. He has to remind himself that she knows the difference between the two of them and that she's made her choice accordingly.

Still…that twinge of jealousy refuses to abate.

She smiles at John as she tells the others about his arrival and how that recently led them to believe that Col. Sheppard was actually dead.

"Well, we can put that rumor to rest," Sheppard says as he sits up from the gurney. He shoots a look at John, his brows crease and his eyes narrow. "It does explain a lot, though."

John raises an eyebrow. For some reason he knows exactly what Sheppard is getting at. "You too?"

Sheppard nods, his gaze darting to Elizabeth then back at John.

Elizabeth looks at both of them in turn. "What are you talking about?"

Sheppard clears his throat. "It's not important…anymore," he eyes Elizabeth pointedly. "Let's just say," he clears his throat again. "We've been kind of…sharing information …for a while now. Since even before his…fully formed arrival."

Elizabeth's brows shoot up as a blush rises in her cheeks. "Really?" She looks at John. "You mean. The flashes that weren't yours?" She keeps her gaze on John. She points at Sheppard. "So…when he was seeing the Wraith or thinking about Angie," her finger traces to John, "you saw the images."

"Yeah," John nods, pressing his lips together.

"And when he…" She points at John as her gaze drifts to Col. Sheppard, "then you saw…" Her eyes go wide and her hand presses against her stomach. "Oh God," she sighs, finding some support against a nearby wall.

Sheppard grunts. "Like I said. It's not important."

From the look on Elizabeth's face, John guesses she knows exactly what _isn't_ important anymore. She licks her lips as she contemplates this information. "I see." She runs a hand over her hair. "Well," she catches both men with a pointed look. "You gentlemen will have to _stop_ that from ever happening again."

"How?" They both ask.

"I don't care how!"

"Is it not beneficial for them to be able to--" Teyla asks.

"No," Elizabeth snaps. "It's not."

John sees a moment of shock in the Athosian woman's eyes, but it fades as she watches Elizabeth for a long moment. A small grin lifts the corner of her mouth. "Perhaps I am mistaken."

"So, all this time, Angie's been thinking you forgot her?" Ronon growls.

"Like I said before," John raises both hands. "I feel awful about it. But it's not my fault."

Ronon takes a step toward him. "I believe it is entirely your fault. And if she wishes--"

Carson steps into his path. "Not only his fault, I'm afraid. She did try to tell us, but we did not listen." He motions for Ronon to lie down.

Ronon looks to Elizabeth. "Please tell me she now knows."

Elizabeth raises a hand. "Major Lorne is already on his way to I-zoola to pick them up. I radioed in advance and let them know of your return."

"And mine," Sheppard says plaintively.

Elizabeth cocks her head. "Actually, I prefer that revelation be made in person. I wanted Dr. Beckett to have to chance to make sure everyone is all right. So…I didn't mention it."

Ronon grumbles as he takes his place on the gurney. "She doesn't like surprises."

Elizabeth grins, eyeing Sheppard. "She'll like this one." She looks to Carson. "Though I don't understand how this is possible. Dr. Zelenka said the two couldn't co-exist in the same reality."

"I have to say, I'm as baffled as you are, Dr. Weir. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that the Major here was once ascended and didn't simply arrive from another reality."

"You mean, maybe he made some kind of adjustment to stave off the effects?"

"It would have to be on the atomic level." Carson shrugs and makes a 'who-knows' face. "Then again, it could be as simple as the difference in their brain chemistry. I'm afraid we'll never really know."

"All right then." She nods to Carson. "I suppose you want to run your tests."

"Aye," Carson says as he checks Ronon over.

"I've had enough of this place."

"I wasn't speaking about you, John," Elizabeth smirks.

"Oooh," Sheppard winces. "That does bring up an interesting topic. What do we call him?"

"Hey, standing right here."

"Yes, but I was here first and I don't plan on changing my name, so it's up to you."

Elizabeth squints at them. "Do you have a middle name?"

The two men glance at each other, clear their throats and make the same embarrassed face. "No," they say in unison.

"Well. I guess that's something to think about. For now, you're Colonel and Major, respectively."

Sheppard grumbles. "Suppose that'll work for now."

Col. Caldwell and Rodney arrive at the infirmary. "Why aren't you dead?" Rodney asks.

"Nice to see you too, Rodney," Sheppard says as he turns to face the door.

"No…you know what I mean," he glances between the two of them then back at Sheppard. "Why aren't you dead?"

oOo

Elizabeth watches the two John's size each other up as they sit on her sofa. They look absolutely identical in their black shirts and BDU's. Their expressions don't even differ. It's very unnerving and yet incredibly amusing at the same time.

The only way she can tell them apart is because she made Col. Sheppard sit on the right side of the sofa and John on the left. They haven't moved from their spots since. She tried to get them to wear name tags but they balked. Then she wanted them to wear jackets with their rank and again they declined. Elizabeth gets the impression…

"Incoming wormhole," Chuck calls from the tech console. "It's Major Lorne."

Elizabeth glances at the twins. "See. Always on time." Both snicker while giving her the exact same stink-eye.

Yes, very amusing.

The puddle jumper arrives through the gate and they all rise to see it float to the upper level. Col. Sheppard shakes his head, stifling a chuckle. "She's so going to kick your ass."

John rolls his eyes. "You're the one who got taken hostage." He shrugs. "Besides, she already got me once."

"Yeah, I know." Sheppard glowers. "She's got a wicked left hook, huh."

"I got in a few--"

Col. Sheppard turns to John. "Don't even finish that thought. That's my girlfriend you're talking about. And her very protective brother is right outside that door."

John nods. "Right. Sorry."

"She's on the way," Elizabeth says.

Both John's return to the sofa and sit, keeping distance between themselves, but also still watching each other warily. There's something in their eyes she doesn't trust.

Elizabeth goes to the door to meet Angela as she comes downstairs. She wants to explain the situation instead of just dropping another bomb on the woman.

Kate's down the stairs first and Angela rushes behind her, jumping over the last three steps. She zips over to Elizabeth, excitement in her eyes, face pink and full of life. It's only been a couple days and already she looks a thousand times better. Understandably, the news about Ronon's return has done magic for her. "Where is he?"

Ronon comes up behind her. "Right here." She spins and squeals with delight, throwing her arms around his neck. He takes her into a bear hug, lifting her off her feet. She showers him with kisses on his face. Elizabeth's heart flutters seeing her so happy. She can't even believe how much stress Angie's been under the past week. And all of it can be washed away with one hug from her brother.

She slaps him on the chest. "I was so scared!"

"You? Never."

As Ronon holds her for dear life, it's clear the old Angela's returning. Elizabeth nods to Ronon and he lets Angie down. She's not so eager to be free of him however. "And Teyla?"

"Teyla and Rodney are fine as well," Elizabeth says. "There's someone else who really wants to talk to you."

Angie's eyes go wide and Elizabeth can see a slight tremor in her lips. Okay, so Ronon can't fix all of her pain. But the next guy sure as hell better or he's gonna get an ass-kicking from Ronon and Elizabeth.

Okay, maybe a chewing out from Elizabeth, but a definite whumping from the big guy if everything isn't put right in the next few minutes.

Elizabeth moves inside the door, motioning for Angie to follow. She bounces in place for a second, unsure, then reluctantly steps forward as Ronon gives her a gentle push.

Looking very sheepish both Johns stand up at the same time when she comes inside. Angie's gaping as she glances from the twins to Elizabeth and back again. "I knew it!" She's very proud of herself. But also seems quite perturbed when she turns her steely gaze at Elizabeth. "Don't make me say it."

Elizabeth nods, down casting her eyes in shame. "You told me so. I am forever humbled."

"Good," she squeaks, smiling brightly. Angela's definitely back to form.

Neither man makes a move toward Angie and Elizabeth's gut starts to rumble. They both so deserve a whumping. "What are you waiting for?"

One of them shrugs. "Just wondering if she knows which is which."

Elizabeth takes a step forward. "Now wait just a minute--"

Angie holds up a hand and cuts Elizabeth off. "It's all right." She turns away from the men and talks to Elizabeth. "What's his deal?"

"Ascended...from another timeline."

"Cool." She narrows her eyes on Elizabeth, then grins. "He came for you."

"Yeah. How'd you know?"

She shrugs. "Soul mates." Angie cocks her head. "So how long was he, like…haunting you?"

"A while, I guess."

"Stalking."

Elizabeth nods. "In a way, I suppose, yes."

The men clear their throats. Angie holds up a hand, not looking at them. "In a minute." She rests a hand on Elizabeth's shoulder. "So that whole thing about the visit--"

"Wasn't him. Well, I mean it was…but it wasn't…what I mean is--"

"Not mine."

"Right."

"That's nice."

"Isn't it?" Elizabeth can see both men growing impatient and finds it difficult not to giggle. She leans in to Angie. "So how will you…?"

Angie winks and whispers: "Oh…I already have." She sniffs. "But I wanna play. Do you mind?"

"Enjoy. But not too much."

They separate from their private confab and Angie faces the two identical men.

"So?" They say in unison.

Elizabeth's thinks she knows which is which, but if they switched places on her while her back was turned…hell how could she know? She's just going to have to trust Angie to set things straight.

Angie steps up to the first John, runs her hands over his chest as she nuzzles his neck. He gets a bit ticklish. Her fingers glide into his hair and she pulls him in for a hot kiss that pretty much makes him melt. She then moves to the second one and does the exact same thing, getting the same reaction. Elizabeth tries not to take it personally. Angie is…well, Angie.

"Well?" they ask as one when she takes a step back.

Her brows shoot up, she chews on her bottom lip and she shakes her head. "I don't know," she says with a shrug.

"You don't know?" Both Johns ask.

She glances at Elizabeth, winking. "Maybe I'll have to keep both of them. You know…have a spare backup." Elizabeth bites back a chuckle as Col. Sheppard exposes himself as his face turns bright red.

"A backup!"

Within seconds Angie jumps into his arms, wraps her legs around his waist and they collapse onto the sofa with her giggling. "Gotcha!" Then she's kissing him and he's kissing her with the same passion.

John steps away as if he's seeing his parents make out. "I don't get how she knew."

"He smells better," Angie says. "Besides, he knows how to kiss me back," she says, arching a single brow at John. The Colonel chuckles before attacking her lips again.

John narrows his eyes. "That's just ridiculous."

Elizabeth smirks. "Not when it comes to those two." Again, she feels guilty for not believing the woman sooner. Angela's exposure to the Ancient lust-o-rama device—as she calls it still—enhanced her ability to 'sniff out' her partner. Turning to John, Elizabeth watches him for a long moment. "What am I going to do with you? Professionally speaking."

John opens his mouth, but before he can speak, Sheppard's on the move, dragging a giggling Angie behind him. She winks at Elizabeth as they pass by and go out the door. "Excuse us."

Elizabeth watches them go, trying not to laugh but failing as a chuckle escapes. It's not like she can blame the woman…not after the night she just had with John. A pleasant shiver races her spine as a reminder.

Sheppard taps Ronon on the shoulder as they pass by. He then leads Angie toward the main stairs, which obviously confuses her. "The transporter's this way."

Sheppard tugs her down the stairs to the center of the Gatrium. He taps his headset then motions to Ronon.

"Put him on citywide," Ronon orders the tech.

Elizabeth steps up to the console, about to protest but John puts a hand on her arm. "You'll like this…I hope."

She glances at him then steps into her usual alcove. John comes up behind her, possessively placing his hand at the small of her back. Elizabeth grins as the familiar tingle starts in her tummy. Ronon's presence on her other side only reminds her that those feelings have no place in this particular section of the city and she does her best to quell them. And it's not easy.

"This is _Lt. Colonel_ John Sheppard with a special announcement," he says, pulling Elizabeth's attention. "Anyone in the vicinity of the gate room is more than welcome to come see me make a fool of myself. If you can get here in the next thirty seconds."

Several people rush in as Angela looks around wide-eyed. She glances up to Elizabeth and mouths: _What's going on?_ Elizabeth can only shrug. Even though a moment later, she knows exactly what is happening and her heart starts to pound.

Col. Sheppard gets down on one knee.

Elizabeth's hand flies to her mouth as she gasps. She can feel John stiffen at her side so she glances at him for a brief moment and smiles. "I'm thrilled for her."

His tension eases immediately and they both watch the event unfold.

Sheppard pulls the delicately carved box from his pocket and opens it. Elizabeth's too far away to see what's inside, but given what's happening, she's certain it's a ring.

"Angela Peterson…" his deep voice echoes around the city. "Will you marry me?"

Angie's visibly shaking as she nods repeatedly, though no one can hear what she has to say. A moment later she leans in and talks into his mic. "Yes."

Elizabeth has heard the city shake with wild cheers before…as when the first Wraith ship was blown up…or after their plan to hide Atlantis worked. But nothing compares to the ruckus that rings through the corridors and up from the gate room as the gathered crowd roars with applause.

He slips the ring on her finger then wraps his arms around her and they're kissing like mad.

The crowd goes wild.

Elizabeth doesn't realize she's crying until John swipes a thumb under her eyes and gently wipes the tears away. She turns to him, her cheeks hurting from all the smiling. John cups her face with both hands and brings his lips onto hers.

And more cheers erupt.

A couple of loud pops breaks John's spell over her and she sees Teyla and Rodney downstairs, each holding a bottle of champagne, now uncorked and overflowing. Sheppard and Angie have yet to separate or even notice that they have an audience.

It's a wondrous moment, seeing the Colonel so happy and in love. Her best friend. He still is that. She can feel it when he looks at her. They haven't lost anything—perhaps he gained a bit given those flashes he mentioned—but not to think about that anymore. No. Col. John Sheppard may not be her lover and perhaps it was never meant to be. But he is her best friend, her trusted confident and her second in command. That has not changed. And it never will.

_Yeesh, don't those two ever come up for air?_

Still grinning like a fool, Elizabeth leans over and wraps her arm around John's waist and hugs him close. He kisses her hair and there's a _whoop_ from the crowd. Lt. Cadman and Dr. Morgan are looking up at that moment, both giving her the thumbs up. Elizabeth smiles, dropping her gaze, a little embarrassed. She glances at John, sees him watching her intently, his eyes full of love for her.

He's searching her again, as he has before.

He needs reassurance that his decision was worth it. But Elizabeth's unsure as to how to let him know. She's never known John Sheppard to be insecure. This is something different.

Angie and Sheppard finally break from their sensuous lip-lock to greet their well-wishers. Angie's dark eyes find Elizabeth's and there is so much joy in them, it brings more tears to Elizabeth's eyes. Angie nods, smiling. Then she raises a brows, tilts her head, motioning to the man by Elizabeth's side…and she doesn't mean Ronon. Her grin widens, a bit sly and she mouths: _I dare you._

Elizabeth feels her forehead wrinkle and then her brows rise as understanding slaps her in the head. Angie's still smiling and this time she shouts over the crowd. "I double dare you!"

All eyes turn to Elizabeth. Again she sees Cadman and Morgan giving her thumbs up, big smiles of their own lighting up their faces.

"What did she say?" John asks.

Elizabeth turns to him. "Risk it." Then she pulls him in for a killer kiss and even as the clapping and hollering all around them increases, the noise just fades away as they stand there.

Together.

oOo

Two weeks following the proposal, Angie strolls into Elizabeth's office late one night, wearing her usual outfit of dark jeans and a tight T-shirt, looking too beautiful for words…so annoying sometimes. She plops into the seat opposite the desk, tilts her head and stares at Elizabeth.

"Hello," Elizabeth says.

Angie nods. "So how weird is it that somewhere out there…another me is floating around being all enlightened."

"Very weird."

"Boy howdy. So…what'cha think happened? I mean, I…she had to have died or been close to it if I understand correctly…"

"You've had some close calls."

She waves a finger. "And I did actually die a couple times."

Elizabeth looks at her sharply. "Really?"

Angie shrugs. "Not for long." She leans elbows on her knees. The beautiful ring John gave her glimmers in the soft light from the desk lamp. Even though it's not a traditional solitaire diamond, it is exquisite and unique, just like the woman wearing it. "But that other me…she's gotta be really different from…this me. Right? Like," her brows rise. "More spiritual. Not so crazy."

"You're not crazy." Angela just stares at her, quirking her mouth to the side. Elizabeth sighs a laugh. "You're not. You're…occasionally kooky."

Angela licks her lips as she grins. "That's another word for crazy."

Elizabeth flips a hand. "But it sounds more amusing."

Angela nods. "Yes, it does. I'm so glad I can amuse you."

Elizabeth leans back in her chair, templing her fingers over her chest. "You're incredibly sanguine about this whole ordeal."

She shrugs. "Well…I figure, I've already done the yelling, kicking, crying part…" her mouth purses a little. "Now I'm accepting. Besides. I was right."

"Yes. You were." Elizabeth raises her brows. "How long you planning on holding that over me?"

"Oh," she grins. "Not just you. Dr. Beckett has some groveling too." She lowers her voice conspiratorially. "I'm forcing him to add s'mores to my weight gain regiment."

"S'mores?"

She ticks off the ingredients. "You got graham crackers, Hershey bars and marshmallows…all signed off with a doctor's orders."

Elizabeth chuckles. "You planning on sharing?"

"Girl's poker night."

"Hmm."

"You show up and play, you'll get some."

Elizabeth leans forward, placing her hands on the desk. "I'll have to think about that one. After all, my reputation may not handle another--"

"Oh please! The two of you have created more positive moral than you want to admit."

"I think you're projecting. The whole city's buzzing about your engagement." Still, Elizabeth knows she's right. Nothing has been bigger news than Elizabeth's relationship with the Major from the alternate timeline.

Angie leans back in her chair. "So, you got your clone."

Elizabeth grins. "I did. Or you did."

Angie waves a hand. "Mine's the original. At least for this timeline."

"Correct."

"So…what's gonna happen?"

Elizabeth sighs. "I don't really know. Major Sheppard hasn't come up with a new name, but he is determined to resign his commission. Seems he doesn't want to butt heads with…himself."

"Or gang up on you."

"Good point. Still, if he does resign, how can I get Landry to allow him to stay on Atlantis? I've already gotten an earful from Caldwell not wanting to deal with two Sheppards."

Angie laughs. "I'm sure." She scratches her cheek and leans forward. "I had a thought on the subject. Talked to someone I trust for their two cents."

"And?"

She tosses a piece of folded paper on the desk. "Got an e-mail today in the data burst."

Elizabeth opens the slip of paper. "'Congratulations on your impending marriage.'" She reads then smiles and nods. "He even put a happy face on it." She slides the paper back to Angie. "So, General O'Niell knows about your engagement."

Angie lets out a deep breath, smiling. "He does. And I'm hoping he might put in a little visit on the day, if possible." She points at the paper. "But that's not for me." Her gaze locks onto Elizabeth's and she holds it without blinking.

"Wha…?"

Angie arches a brow. Elizabeth looks at the paper then back up at Angie. "He expects us to…"

Her grin grows into a beautiful smile then she slaps her hands on her thighs. "Well. My work is done. I need some sex." As she heads out, she glances back at Elizabeth, still smiling. "By the way, Beth."

"Yes."

"Our deal is null and void."

Elizabeth's grin matches Angie's. "You bet your ass it is!"

Fini


End file.
